Need to vent

[Paperdaisy]

@BlueBay I haven't been online for a few days but I hope you are doing better now. I can see you have received so much support from all the people who care about you and I hope you can see that. 

Sending hugs 🤗

[BlueBay]

Hi my friends @Paperdaisy @BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @tyme @grayhorn @Emelia8 @Snowie @MDT @Owlunar and others I’ve forgot to mention 

today I was home alone. Hubby and one boy worked; the other at his girlfriends. 
i have a cough with a sore side (kidney area). 

little A still sick but at least today she had some food. 

I’m hoping to do outpatient program on Wednesday but it depends on my cough   I have to do RAT test then show them results   
I’ll see how I feel by Wednesday morning. 

i decided to start making some other things to try to sell. My daughter suggested making “nappy cakes” they are so cute. You’ll have to Google. I’ll put a photo up on here. 

feeling a bit flat but overall better than last week. Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement support and love. 

[BlueBay]

 

[BPDSurvivor]

Nappy cakes! Awesome idea! Love it @BlueBay 

[BlueBay]

Sick in bed with this terrible cold, cough and temps.  My kidneys are sore which I am not sure if there is an infection.  I had to cancel a few appointments i had.  Tomorrow my GP will still see me and my psych has organised a telehealth call. 

I also tried to go and see my dad on the weekend and I was told by my mum "oh no you can't because M (my sister who i don't talk to) is coming over.  Instead of saying look over earlier or later which would have been fine with us, she completely shut it down quickly.

I have a feeling my anxiety is very heightened or on high alert because I am constantly fearing the worst.  Eg.  last night i couldn't sleep as i heard a police helicopter hovering, so immediately i went into "omg maybe there is someone outside trying to break into the cars; or what if they come inside from the back"

Last week at DBT group therapy I had this horrible thought that someone was going to come running in with weapons.  Quite scary.

It seems i am on the lookout all the time.  And i don't know what to do with this.  

@BPDSurvivor @Paperdaisy @Shaz51 @tyme @grayhorn @Emelia8 @Snowie @Eve7 @MDT and others reading 🙂

[grayhorn]

@BlueBay 

Sitting with you honey. Glad you’re seeing the doc tomorrow. It’s always disappointing when family lets you down. After all, they are supposed to be strong durable bonds. Reality says go with your gut feeling and believe in yourself.  Get well soon 🌷🌷🌷

[BlueBay]

Hi friends @grayhorn @BPDSurvivor @Paperdaisy @Shaz51 @tyme @hanami @Emelia8 @MDT @Snowie @Eve7 @Owlunar 

and others following 

I had a terrible night last night.  Between the coughing, the sweating from this cold and getting up to the loo (3 times) I am buggered.  I got to the doctors at 8am (his first appt for the day, so i didn't have to wait) and he couldn't believe i was sick again.  So he did his normal checks and said he wants to do a whole range of blood works. So next week when i am better i will get it done.  Came home and went straight to bed, tried to read a little but couldn't concentrate.

At 11am my psych called and we spoke about the week, my drs appt, and i told her about my heightened anxiety.  We are going to monitor this as it could be medication.  She is wanting to see hubby as she thinks it will be a good idea that if i want to bring this up she will be there to help me explain.  I think we need to talk about intimacy, communication and the way i feel so guilty about not working or contributing to our terrible finances.

she is away now for 3 weeks overseas but i have support from my GP, group therapy and psychologist.

better go, i need to grab a cup of tea and maybe a piece of fruit.  eating is not on the agenda at the moment.

@Owlunar i so wish i knew that you are okay.  i think of you often and don't know how you are.  but that is a forum and people come and go.  we had a connection and i miss you so so very much.  wish i could tell you all the things going on.

i hope everyone is doing okay or as best can be.

take care lovely friends xxxxxxooooo

[Former-Member]

You've had such a hard trot of it lately with your health @BlueBay, it must be quite tiring 💙

I can hear there's a lot going on for you, and I've been following along with your struggle to sell the house too, and I just wanted to say that what jumped out for me in your post was your commitment to yourself. It's really amazing to read @BlueBay – you've managed to build what sounds like a rock solid support system, so a serious round of applause for that 👏👏

I can also see you're starting to lay the ground work for some real and vulnerable conversations with your husband, as well as keeping on top of medication changes. While I suspect this doesn't feel entirely wonderful right now, that little you, the version that needs to be loved and cared for, is so thankful to you right now. You are being there for you, I'm proud of you for that and I'm taking that inspiration into my own journey.

Rhye ☘️

[BlueBay]

Thank you so much @Former-Member xxx

I’m very overwhelmed, anxious and scared about joint session with psych. But she knows how much I’m struggling so she has offered to help me with words. Because I know at the time I’ll be a blubbering mess. I struggle to talk with someone so close to me. 
i didn’t think of little me. Maybe she is thanking me for trusting my psych to be more open and honest. 

Gosh I’m scared. 

you are so kind xxxxx

[tyme]

Hey @BlueBay ,

Sounds like things are tough for you at the moment. There's so much going on. 

I hope last night's sweating and chills were the last of the cold/flu.

I've invited you to Share a cuppa? for a warm, fuzzy, cup of tea - and a good old chat.

Kindest, 

tyme