Need to vent

[grayhorn]

@BlueBay 

Wasn't @Former-Member spot on. Lots of times in the struggle to just get by we don’t acknowledge the strength and courage it takes to endure the suffering. I hope your cold is coming to an end, and I like the sound of a medication review.  Your psychologist sounds like she cares. You have something that makes us care about you and want to best for you. 🫖

[BlueBay]

Aww thanks @grayhorn xxx

[BlueBay]

Off to bed 😴

talk to you all tomorrow xxxooo

[BlueBay]

I’m about to burst into tears 

im so fragile atm

[Former-Member]

I'm in the Forums this morning @BlueBay if you wanted a chat 💙

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Former-Member 

I didn’t sleep well last night. My mind was in overdrive at 100 miles an hour. Going from my abuse, my uncle who abused me , my mum to what should I cook for dinner tomorrow night!!! 

then I couldn’t stop coughing and getting up to the loo. 

i want to take some strong meds to sleep. Left a msg for my dr if he could me a script but I have a feeling he won’t. 

this is how I’m feeling - fragile, overwhelmed, scared, sad, anxious and feel there’s not much to life with all my struggles at the moment. 

[Former-Member]

Argh, yes that's the worst feeling @BlueBay. When you're physically sick but your brain just won't quit! I can empathise with you there.

It's great that you've been able to reach out to your doctor, and I hope they can provide some sort of assistance in that area. Medication aside, have you tried other ways to help when the night time thoughts come flooding in?

It's something I struggle with off and on too, and when it happens one of the things that works for me is to do the 5 senses thing, you know the one where you hear 5 sounds, feel 5 sensations in your body, 5 things you taste (which at 3am it's usually none!), 5 things you see and 5 things you can smell. I find if I do that and follow it up with a breathing exercise I can usually get back to sleep.

The other thing I do is intentionally block the thoughts out – do I want to be thinking about the past abuse at 3am? No I really do not, so when the thoughts come I will disengage from them by telling myself it's more important for my self-care that I sleep right now. I may be hurting but I'll still be hurting tomorrow so it can wait till then. I get really strict about it and tell myself that the person who caused the harm in the past will not stop me from taking care of myself in the present. They absolutely will not cause another minute of harm because I want more for myself. I'm not sure if that resonates with you but I hope you might find some little kernel in there @BlueBay.

[BlueBay]

@Former-Member 

I tried counting backwards. Not sure if it helped. I kept tossing and turning. 

i will try your tip next time. I have heard of that one. 

im now laying in bed watching tv. Might even have a sleep. 

i think I’m also really scared because we haven’t sold our house and the uncertainty is making me feel horrible. 

[Former-Member]

Sitting in uncertainty can be really challenging, that's super normal @BlueBay. Not to say it feels great, because it doesn't, but one day your house will be sold and this at least will be behind you 💙

Sometimes we have to muster the strength we have to get through to the next phase in our life. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you have that within you. We see that fighting spirit time and time again from you in the Forums, @BlueBay. My wish for you today is that you can see a little glimpse of your own strength too.

[BlueBay]

Dr won’t give me script @Former-Member 

he doesn't understand how hard it is to sleep and to get up 3-4 times a night to go to toilet.