I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’m so hard on myself @Ru-bee. I can’t stop it but I hate it. I just feel like crying because I feel so useless. But I know this afternoon was a huge achievement. 

I had Thai. There’s enough for tomorrow so I do t have to worry about food before I go away. 

Did you manage to get a sleep in? Are you feeling a little better? 

[Captain24]

I’m crying

[Ru-bee]

Here with you @Captain24 

It's interesting to hear those two sides: you're having those thoughts being hard on yourself, but at the same time you're able to acknowledge your achievement. Maybe this is also a sign of some progress? Though I hear that the side of being hard on yourself is perhaps louder right now.

I did get a bit of a sleep in, I didn;t wake up to an alarm for the first time in a while, though the sleep in was only until 7am and then I snoozed for another 15 minutes. I did feel well rested though. Thank you for checking in 😊

[Captain24]

I can’t stop crying @Ru-bee 

It is progress I guess. My psych would say it is but yes the other voice is way louder. 

The meds have made me feel so sick again. I thought I had it figured out. 

Im so glad you feel more rested today. It’s nice to just wake up when you’re ready. Things seem so much harder when you’re tired. Did you get to take Toby out? 

[Ru-bee]

That's no good that you're still feeling sick, hopefully it settles for you soon @Captain24 

No I didn't get to take Toby out in the end, I did go to the gym for the first time in a little bit and that kind of took up a bunch of my day. We did spend a lot of time in the courtyard though getting some sun which was nice! 

I noticed you're going away for a few nights, when are you going?

[Captain24]

If it doesn’t stop then I’m going to stop taking them. I’ll give them a few more days. @Ru-bee. It’s not helpful to my MH to feel sick.

Good on you for going to the gym. That sounds like a huge achievement! Spending time in the sun with him sounds good. Some together time and th refreshing feeling of being in the sun. 

Im going away on Saturday and coming back Tuesday. I’m seeing my psych in person on Tuesday before I come home. I’m a bit nervous as there is usually a screen between us. I haven’t seen her in person for probably 6 months as it’s a four hour trip each way and there wasn’t enough sunlight in the day. I have to think of Roo’s out where I am. 

[Ru-bee]

Can you talk to your dr about it @Captain24? It's definitely no good for your MH to be feeling ill all the time 

Oh yes I remember you telling me about this. Hopefully that'll be good being able to see your psych face to face, and not trying to drive to the appointment and back in the same day sounds like a smart move! I'm terrified of hitting roos, I always drive so slowly when I'm in more bushy areas any time other than full day light!

The time has flown tonight! I'm about to head off. Hope you get some good rest tonight 

[AuntGlow]

Hey @Captain24, 

I just wanted to pop into your chat with Ru-bee and say that I am proud of you for allowing yourself to feel what you're feeling and that you've acknowledged your achievements today - even when some of your more critical thoughts were present. It sounds like the perfect time to be seeing your psychologist. So I really look forward to hearing more about your time with her. Good luck! 💛

[Captain24]

Hey @Ru-bee. 

Sorry I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow last night. I feel better so far today. I think it’s now only when I take them of a night. I think they drop my blood pressure to far. I don’t see a Dr until the end of the month. It’s not easy to get in here. It’s about 6 weeks if you’re lucky. 

I’ve hit a couple of Roos driving to and from work. Just so you know you can hit a roo at anytime of the day! They aren’t very smart animals. They jump in front of our trucks at work. It’s a massive yellow truck that makes a lot of noise! Dumb animals! 

I woke up early this morning, like 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep. To much in my mind. 

I hope you slept well. 

[Captain24]

Hey @AuntGlow 

Thanks for popping in. I am learning and as Ru-bee says I can see progress. I know what my psych will say. Acknowledge what you have done and tell Cara to f@ck off. That’s what we call my punitive voice! I had to name it. She will also say that with feeling like a failure ‘feelings aren’t facts’