Lived Experience Forum

[Myhearthurts]

I've recently been informed about SANE. I'm reaching out for any guidance or advice please?

I don't know if I'll be understood. I don't communicate my trauma very well. I'm so used to holding it in that now my body is just taking over. I'm crying a lot, and I'm feeling scared (literally shaking like a leaf), ready for something bad to happen again. Jumping to conclusions and getting to a high level of defence fast.

I feel like I've had enough, I can't take any more hurt. I don't want to die, I want to feel happy, genuinely happy. I want to stop pushing people away. I want to start enjoying my life without all the worry that everything I work for will just go away. 

My trauma is from so many different things that have happened to be in early childhood to early adulthood. I feel stuck with nowhere to turn. My world is starting to see the cracks in my mask I've  created, that I'm not suffering, not hurt, I'm fine. 

I'm not fine. I'm scared.

Can anyone relate? Or maybe point me in the direction?

Please?

[babyshark]

Hi @Myhearthurts 

Thanks for reaching out and joining the SANE community. You will find plenty of support here, and jump into some threads that might suit your situation as well. 

It is so heartening to hear that your goal is to actually feel happy, It is hard for many of us to hold onto that goal, so thank you for reminding us of what is important. I am a moderator here, so I am just welcoming you, and I am hoping you will hear from other SANE members in the nearby future. You are not alone.

Thank you for being here and being so vulnerable with us as well 

xxbabyshark

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @Myhearthurts , it's good you've joined 🙂

I am so sorry for your suffering and your trauma 😢

I know for me, what helped heal my lifelong trauma was meds and therapy with a psychologist. The meds allow me to be strong enough to do the therapy. My trauma will never be fully healed as it was too deep, but it's been enough to not live constantly out of my trauma and to move on with my life. 

Do you have any professional support? Like a counsellor, meds, psychologist or psychiatrist?

An important forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

[Emelia8]

Heard and understood @Myhearthurts 💞

Yes I can relate to much of what you have said. 

Welcome to the Sane community where I hope you find the support, understanding and encouragement you want and need. 

Emelia 🌷

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Myhearthurts ❤️

I am so sorry to hear about how you're feeling

In my experience, when it comes to trauma, getting support from a psychologist or counsellor is helpful. Are you connected to any therapeutic supports at the moment?

I have also sent a check in email, please respond to that when you can 🙂

[Asgard]

Hi @Myhearthurts 

Welcome to the Forum, which is full of people who do care and probably have the same fears as your goodself.

I can relate to your experience of hiding behind masks, to the general public all would seem fine in my life, but behind my smiling facade was a very unhappy guy who didn't know how to be happy, who was so filled with anxiety, fear and depression that it built up like a pressure cooker.

My cooker popped, but what really saved me was talking to people, letting them know how I feel, yes my friends were shocked, they had no idea how I felt, but the relief I felt in myself having finally released that tension helped me to recover. 

So please find someone you fell safe with, and share that burden

Take care

Asgard

[chibam]

Hi @Myhearthurts . Welcome to the forums! 🙂

I can relate an awful lot to what you say.

It sounds like you, like me, are despearately yearning for some meaningful, fulfilling relationships in your life.

It might be a good first step for you to define precisely what sort of people you are looking for in your life. What are their values, and aspirations? What sort of characters are they? If you could meet with a sage who knew every single person on earth, how would you describe the people you'd want him to introduce you to?

Likewise in terms of your desire to be happy - what is it, precisely, that you want? If you were to find the magic lamp and could ask the genie to grant you any wish, what is it you'd wish for?

Obviously, our help systems aren't composed of omnipotent sages and genies that can grant any wish we may have; but clearly defining your ideal outcome can be an excellent way to orient yourself (and your helpers, if any) towards the most desirable outcome you can hope to achieve.

[Tilz]

@Myhearthurts  Hi, Thanks for sharing. Welcome to the forum. Hope you are in right place. Let this trauma not hurt you physically. You can overcome that. Try to forget past. Its hard but im sure you can. Because past is past and it makes you worry. Lets not take that to future. Never be scared. You seems like a strong character.

[tyme]

Hey @Myhearthurts ,

How are you?

We hope to hear from you and hope you are okay.

[OM108]

@Myhearthurts 

So glad you have shared with us how you are feeling. It can be helpful to listen to your feelings and to get support from people you can trust and where you feel held and safe. Personally I find music comforts me the most in my darker moments...especially when i feel lost, depressed and alone. Getting out into nature is also very healing....walking barefoot along the beach or finding a tree that makes you feel good and sharing your feelings. Nature really listens!