I can’t cope

[Captain24]

The toast didn’t stay down @Ru-bee @rav3n 

Sounds like a good couple of days @Ru-bee Lots of helpful info and the Sunday to recover. 

If I stop I won’t start again. I struggle with afternoons but I’ve been pushing myself the last few days to get through them. 

If I don’t keep going I’m not being recovery focused and I need to prove that I am. I’m trying really hard to show that I’m working hard on it. To show that I’m worthy of support. But I just don’t know that I’m able to keep pushing but I’ll try. I just feel the need to go and lie down but I don’t feel that that is acceptable. 

[Ru-bee]

I hear that you're really wanting to work hard and show up for yourself right now @Captain24 but there are lots of different ways to do that. It is wonderful that you've been getting all of these tasks done, and I know sometimes we do need to push ourselves a bit, but I'm worried that you're pushing yourself a bit too hard at the moment.

It can be a really difficult line to walk, but if you're feeling exhausted and you're not able to keep food down I think those are both great signs from your body that you're due for a break. Rest is recovery focused too 💜 If you're feeling the need to lie down, I maybe you should listen to that need and let yourself lie down

[Captain24]

I’m trying really hard @Ru-bee. But I just can’t do today anymore. I just have the sheets and towels to fold when they are dry. I still want to finish the front room but I just can’t. 

I feel like I’m letting you all down by not being able to keep going. But I’m just too unwell to do it. 

Im going to lie down. 

Sorry for failing you

[Ru-bee]

@Captain24 you're doing the opposite of failing, I'm proud of you for letting yourself rest. Rest is a crucial element to recovery! 

I'm heading off too, but I hope that you have a nice lie down and I'll catch you later

[Captain24]

I’m lying down but I’m in so much pain. My body hurts everywhere. All my joints. My arms, my elbows, my wrists. I feel like I have let myself and everyone down. I’m crying because I can’t keep going. I’m feeling like a failure. 

Im sorry. 

[rav3n]

you are not a failure for being so very human!! @Captain24 i know that i too have moments where i've pushed myself too hard or really needed/wanted to get tasks done and ending up feeling burnt out. it's okay to pause and rest!! 

i know you mentioned that ticking things off gives you a sense of accomplishment, do you reckon adding in a few 'rest breaks' to the list to tick off would help a bit? 

[Captain24]

I’ve gotten out of bed as I had to get the washing off the line @rav3n 

I still feel so sick and so weak. I really have nothing in the tank. I’m struggling enough holding the phone. I’m just sitting on the lounge now with the tv turned off hating on myself. Hating so badly. 

If I allow a rest break then I’ll stop and won’t start again. That’s why I keep pushing myself. Plus skipping meals. 

[rav3n]

you've gotten a lot done this morning. i know it can be easy to focus on what we haven't done, but i do hope you take a moment to acknowledge all that you did get done this morning @Captain24 

by resting now/tonight, you'll be better able to work through your list tomorrow. if you do want to keep going after you've rested, i can be your accountability buddy and check-in to see if you've continued your list? would that be helpful?

[Captain24]

I didn’t achieve enough though @rav3n 

Im just going to give up on today. The rest will have to wait until tomorrow with tomorrow’s list included. I have a bit to get done in the morning and then I have mums dog in the afternoon and overnight. I might try and take it easy then. With 3 dogs running around after each other it doesn’t really allow for much to get done. 

I have a pounding headache. I’ve taken stuff for it but it’s not helping. 

I read a post about someone with hypomania and I’m wondering if that’s what’s been going on as I’ve had so much energy to get shit done and I’ve felt really good. I was sleeping alright but I had meds to sleep and I didn’t sleep well last night now I’m not in them anymore and wanted to get up and do stuff. Maybe I’ve now crashed. Not sure but that’s what is going through my mind. 

[Captain24]

Trying to decide what to have for dinner. I still feel really sick. Plus I’m really struggling physically and mentally. I’m really not ok tonight.