I can’t cope

[Captain24]

It was just sad but beautiful at the same time @AuntGlow 

She is pretty awesome. 

I think a friend has been hinting to move in here but I’m pretending I don’t get the hints. There is no way I’m living with her and her dramas. I need my own space and I’m a loner. I couldn’t cope with anyone around. 

Yep.. all or nothing it is. I can’t seem to find the middle ground. I don’t know how to find balance. I just push so hard. I already know what’s on for the next 3 days. 

[AuntGlow]

I will have to watch it @Captain24☺️

That's so fair and having your own safe space is something that is really sacred. Sometimes having someone else in the mix can make home feel uncomfortable or dysregulating. I have experienced that many times too. It's nice to know that she wants to live with you though, she must really enjoy your company. How do you know her?

Hmmm, I wonder what it would be like to do the opposite of what your brain is telling you in some of these more 'pushing' moments? As a sort of self-challenge/experiment? 🤔

[Captain24]

I’ve changed the bed linen and bathed both dogs, showered and washed my hair and cleaned the shower screen inside and out. Now to wait for everything to dry so I can fold it. 

I need to find something else to do. I might start tomorrow’s list. I can’t stop yet. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 

Look at you go! Very productive morning. You're reminding me that my shower is also due for a clean, maybe that'll be a task I tackle this afternoon if I get the time.

How was your weekend?

[Captain24]

Sorry that you now feel the need to clean the bathroom, it’s not a fun or easy task! 😂 @Ru-bee 

My weekend was busy doing stuff around the house that I haven’t done. I did the backyard including whipper snippering. I cleaned the windows and shutters in the front room and dusted it properly by moving all the ornaments and stuff, with Mr Sheen and so much more.

I just keep pushing myself to the point of exhaustion and until my body says ‘no more’ It’s not in a healthy way. But things are getting done. 

I finished taking the med I was coming off on Saturday night, it helps with sleep. Last night I didn’t sleep very well at all. I kept waking up and tossing and turning. Feeling very tired today. 

How was your weekend? 

[Captain24]

I cleaned the front room.

I’m that exhausted today that I’ve made myself physically sick. I guess not eating doesn’t help. @Ru-bee 

Im struggling

[rav3n]

hey @Captain24, just wanted to let you know that @Ru-bee's in a meeting but she'll be back soon. 

i know what you mean, i get so wrapped up in wanting to complete something that i don't prioritise breaks and food... which if i had prioritised them earlier, i would've had a lot more fuel/energy to complete my list. are you able to have a lil break to grab a bite? 

[Captain24]

Thanks @rav3n 

Ive just had some toast the thought of anything else makes my stomach churn. I’m hoping it stays down. 

I feel so sick. I’ve still got more I want to do though. I can’t stop. I think I’m just going to have to push so much harder. I’m so exhausted. 

[rav3n]

i can see that getting through the list is important for you, and the same time, feeling sick and exhausted isn't great either @Captain24 maybe fitting in some moments of stretches/slower movements in between can help calm things down while also staying on the move?

sometimes i put in alarms for every 15 mins just to remind myself to pause and roll my shoulders or to grab a drink or do a quick grounding exercise, etc. would something like that be helpful in pacing yourself?

[Ru-bee]

@Captain24 sorry for the delay. I had a pretty tiring weekend with work, I went to a really great workshop on Friday and Saturday which was lots of info to take in!

I'm hearing that you feel like you can't stop right now, what would happen if you allowed yourself to take a break?