Lived Experience Forum

[TAB]

I wish my step grandfather would have died in front of me @Zoe7 I wouldn’t have cared. With his soft boiled eggs etc. prob never worked a day in his life

[Zoe7]

We were not rich - we really struggled. My Dad ran his own business and there were times when there was no money coming in - I think my pop helped out quite a bit in those times. He had a good job as a manager in a large company then he drove horses - so he saw both sides of the coin in regards to work too @TAB He was a saver though and many of our sporting trips were paid for by him out of his savings.

[TAB]

Yes my siblings and their inlaws don’t really pay tax despite earning multiples more than me. Re trusts etc And yes it’s their doing. And not mine on the other side. Anyway they retire in what passes for a marriage all cashed up and I’ll be sleeping in a bush. Lost half my super several times, paid hundreds of thousands in tax and rent over last 10 years. It’s Life. Sorry for going down that road. @Zoe7

[Zoe7]

That is quite okay @TAB - there is still such a great divide between people in our society and I am sorry to hear you are on the harder side of that. My parents have lost a lot in super over the years as well - they have gained a little back over the last few years but my mum is way past retirement age and she couldn't retire because there was not enough in her super. I think she is thinking about it more now though. The other problem is what she does with herself if she is not working - and spending more time with my dad is definitely not an option lol 

[TAB]

Well hopefully she’s not putting it into th’ pokies @Zoe7 lol soz for my moany posts. Reset. Anyway my mum died last year. And father is about to. Well hopefully. Well he’s suffered. And made me suffer. Still to last time saw him late 2017 seems years ago. Mum was the filter . Thats my take. Last few meetings would say Trump is way ahead of him in person stakes re well just insane outbursts. Yet all the time demanding that I stay under same roof while praising up siblings and Im a ghost well when they were there. Anyway. Good on him. He is quite possibly dead by now from recent rare email contact with siblings

[Zoe7]

No need to be sorry for posting @TAB - it has been nice chatting with you nd it is more than okay that you describe your relationship with your father - they can indeed be tricky relationships when you have been in the position you have been. Although I know how tough a relationship can be with a father that drinks and gambles I am also lucky that my dad stopped all that. He is a much better person than he was when I was young. I know my parents still have their disagreements but they do have similar interests - especially when it comes to their horses.

Families are complicated at the best of times and I am sorry that you have had such a distant relationship with yours but it seems that you were better off without your father in your life!

[TAB]

Ok he was never a father per se @Zoe7 .. a provider, yes. And there were reasons re him. Come to think of it why should a smart very attractive woman ie my mother have taken him on? He had no ambition no boundaries re anger and abuse . He worked hard but was nuts basically. And not in a nice way even for an immigrant with lifelong PTSD as it seems now along with huge over riding sense of being cheated yet loved the stock market and profited greatly from it, by depriving mother and making her work til way past age he did by depriving her of her share of pension and investing it. Well shes gone now and feelings toward him are well ambivalent. No more sucking up then failing re me and him. Hes had his due

[Zoe7]

It certainly seems like you are better away from him @TAB It would have been so hard to see your mother suffer under his control and I can imagine it was extremely difficult for you to live with all that he did to the whole family. But you are out of all that now and that is a good thing. It doesn't make the memories of what he was like any easier though 

[TAB]

Sorry for all the attention @Zoe7 Ill go back in shell soon. Just that from age 8 or so I was allowed birthday request meals. I used to ask for crumbed porkchops with boiled cabbage and vinegar:cream/pepper ... or ... just straight hotdogs.. real butter real fresh bread homemade tom sauce very good savs. Cant get that anymore re quality .. oh. And frogs on pond was a favourite re dessert

[TAB]

I say a bw pic of grave when was 5 ish @Shaz51 .. I did get some small insight when visiting cousin didnt know had years ago ie overseas re grandmother. They must have been harder than my father. Probably kinder though I like to think