Meeting the needs of children when a parent suffers from mental illness

[Smc]

So glad the meeting went well @Determined. 

I get the need to leave the discussion to a later time. Will she understand why you couldn't tell her straight away?

[Determined]

I hope so @Smc

I will just make it about me and my capacity to discuss it..

She knows I was speaking to the principal today but thinks it was jsut providing informal feedback about how S1 is travelling. I did pass on positive feedback from this morning about how well he is doing.

He was actually a little funny this morning, he was telling me how awesome his day was yesterday? when I replied Really? ... His reply,... oh yeah... that ... , yeah second break wasnt great but the rest of the day was good.  Clearly he has moved on and not given it any more thought. 

[Determined]

I have actually shared this on a different thread then thought it would be more appropriate here as it has to do with supporting our little people.

Something I have to be grateful for at the moment.
I have recently had a discussion with a young adult who has been exposed to emotional instability in childhood and was able to get some good feedback on things to look for, things to do and more importantly not to do to help our children particually during/ after times of crisis.

This is someone who seems quite well adjusted and who I can trust and has actually been a support to me at different times when I have been not copeing. Has offered to help out with the children if ever needed. Even to be someone they can go to to talk to about stuff, someone who really understands. I am most grateful for this.

[Determined]

I took S2 out to maccas for a milkshake tonight after youth group because he has had a bad day at school and I wanted to spend some one on one time with him.

He is quite distressed at the moment and has told me he thinks suicide (he is 11 years old)

😥

I have often worried about similarities with his mum. Well he can see it also. Asked me if he is already like mummy what is the point. And thinks we would all be better off without him. 

I am so drained and tired and dont know what to do about this. I have had fears about this and it seems to he happening sooner than I anticipated 🤯😢😖

[Determined]

He has also picked up on how darling struggles with bub and it breaks heart when he thinks she is rejecting him. As it does mine. It is a big burden for someone so young to carry though. 

[Smc]

Hard thing for someone so young to take in, but he needs to know that even if the similarities are there, he has his own choices and his own life. Often people with BPD are not self aware. If he is self aware at his age, that's a huge thing in his favour.

The mind is malleable, and the younger someone is, the more malleable they are. With support and love, he can choose which way he goes in life. Even with diagnosed BPD there are "success stories" out there of people who know what they're living with and have decided that it doesn't have to be what rules their lives.

We're watching our Younger Daughter carefully at the moment. She's been having panic attacks at school, and nightmares about losing her Big Sis. It is really hard to watch.

[Determined]

@Smc insight is something that S2 often lacks but can get moments of clarity around. 

I was watching him at the park today and can see why his peers at school don't always respond well to him 😔

It also seems that because he can be reactive it has become a bit of a sport to see who can get him to blow a gasket and how long takes.

He has a big heart and wants to be accepted by all and doesn't take rejection perciever or actual well at all. 

[Determined]

I have a meeting with S2s principal next week.

He has been enduring bullying at school that in last week has escalated to physical contact.

It has now reached a point where he considers suicide as a possible escape. 😢

Darling was talking to another mum this afternoon and her son is in the same boat. Both boys together would rather not be here than go to school.

The other mum was going to see the teacher this afternoon to raise the concerns, I had already emailed the principal. A little disappointed that it appears he only returned my mail after the other mum had been in stirring up the teacher. 

Alarming times for me at the moment. 😭😥

[Determined]

Darling just had a long phone discussion with the other mum after her meeting with the teacher at school.  A lot of what is coming out is really bringing to the surface my school memories and trauma.  Darling even more so. 

Wishing I did not have to wait till next week to see the principal but I am tired up all day tomorrow and Principal all day Friday 😡

At least the teacher is aware of it and the main instigator is apparently going to be in the sin bin before school and during breaks for the next week.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Determined 🙂

Far out this breaks my heart to read.

It's wonderful to hear that this is being brought to the teachers and principles attention. It sounds like there are some concerned and caring parents advocating for their children's safety needs to be met. 

I'm not sure if you have heard of Maggie Dent but as a parent myself I really enjoy Maggie's points and style.

I've popped a link here for you to her website and information on bullying. Take care @Determined