Meeting the needs of children when a parent suffers from mental illness

[Determined]

So tonight I was bluntly told that one of the children think I am picking on on them because I hate them.

While I need to maintain boundaries (hard when the mother wants to be a friend rather than a parent by my perception) I also need to respond with love and encouragement.

The emotionally challanged me at the moment wants to respond with 'fine you deal with them and all the crap I am dealing with'

It is a bit cutting when I have that put on me when it feels like I am jumping through burning hoops to keep everyone happy. 

This evenings sook came after I said enough was enough when we were still messing around over an hour after bed time.  Now tomorrow we will all wonder why everyone is so tired.

It makes it complicated when there is a history of mi.

The whole issue of percieved rejection and abandonment is the basis of darlings issues. children are already at increased risk so I need to tread carefully and with love... at the same time I have seen the hard way with darling how a lack of boundaries just creates a bigger monster (*as in the illness not the individual) 

[Determined]

Just thinking out loud here as I try and process how to get through.

Everything I do to try and make life safe and easy as it can be I do out of love for my family.

Clearly I need to find a different love language. Something that is more meaningful to my family. Particularly the children. 

[Caz101]

Oh this is so difficult. I'm so sorry you have been through so much. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself first, so that your own cup is full. If you need to talk to a counsellor yourself please do so (highly recommend). For the children perhaps ensure they have other supports in addition to you (supportive friends, aunts/uncles or family friends) that they can talk to if need be. There are also some great mentoring programs that can provide teenagers with a supportive relationship with an adult (there are regular ongoing outings over a minimum of a 12 month period) - this can give the children an outlet away from friends and family (and is less confrontational that seeing a counsellor). I can see how much you care for everyone involved and know that you are doing the best you can under really difficult circumstances.