Meeting the needs of children when a parent suffers from mental illness

[Smc]

I'm off to bed. Still nursing this cold I've got, so I need the sleep. Hope you and your family can get a peaceful night.

[Determined]

Understand what you mean about just wanting her in an environment where she can't self harm @Smc, that's  why I would have liked my darling to stay over tonight. After what happened this morning I don't  understand why they let her go so easily. They were more worried about the physical  symptoms. There was a psyc assessment by skype to mh unit at main hospital (no psyc unit where we are anymore) but she managed to smile her way through and convince them crisis over. And I was sent out by the err dr for his assessment.  

I would loved to have said I don't want her home but that would have been counter productive, she needs to know I am here to support her. 

I really hope things level out for you and your family.  For me shaky stable is almost as draining as in crisis, not knowing when crisis will come is very draining. 

[Smc]

The "being sent out of the room" bit is hard. When our daughter was still living at home, we'd be the ones accompanying her to the ER... nowadays she gets herself there, and we find out about it if she needs a lift home aftewards. But when we took her in, we had the hard thing of knowing that when they sent us out, it was because they needed to check that no-one at home was abusing her. Fair enough as such, but it hurts when you know that you've been stretched to your limit trying to keep her safe!

Our daughter keeps us a bit "out of the loop" with her care- effectively, because she's an adult, she's self managing. That means we don't have direct contact with any of the health care professionals she sees, and the only way we get contact is if we're asked to attend an appointment with her. So there's no chance to raise concerns without her present, and some of our concerns could make things worse if raised in front of her. I guess psych services see too many examples of abusive or manipulative or panicky families... but what about the caring ones that need to know what's going on? 

[Determined]

I managed to have a discussion with S2 about what happened yesterday when picking him up from school. The discussion just sort of naturally happened. I wasnt sure if he actually understood what had happened. 

I am glad we had the discussion as he had and Idea what had happened but wasn't sure and didn't know why she would do that. He was accurate in his assumptions though (re method and desired outcome). 

I told him it was ok to talk to chappy about it at school or I coyld arrange for him to see our pastor put he only wants to talk to me about it.  A bit like I used to be... wants to protect his mum from others knowing. 

[Determined]

I was able to have a long conversation with s2's teacher on Friday after school and I am glad I did, turns out he has not been coping nearly as well as I thought he was.

I have had discussions with him during the week and until Thursday  he seemed ok,  but unfortunately he has been impossible at school all week.  He was quute upset Thursday afternoon so I went in to check if anything had happened, turns out he had been disruptive all week and was spoken to Thursday afternoon.

I explained to the teacher why he may have been off (as in what happened last week, in a sugar coated version) as she could see it was out of character for him. She was very apologetic and said she would have delt with him so differently. 

I just wish I had said something earlier but because I thought he was doing ok wanted to keep it more private.   Teacher will also check in with me now if ever she is concened about anything.

She has also offered to sit down and go over home work with my darling as this is something darling is highly stressing about. Will even make adjustments where she can to reduce my darlings stress.    So grateful for her understanding and support. 

[Determined]

Had a meeting with S1s teachers (special school) to discuss his curriculum plan for this term an I am most impressed. Most of my remaining reservations about him attending a special school have been alleviated. 

Also so comforting to hear him say each morning how excited he is to be going to school 😁

Still have concerns for S2 particually after our crisis 2 weeks ago but am very happy with the support his teacher is providing. Had another minor crisis 2 nights ago that triggered memories for him of our major crisis 2 weeks ago. Have some 1on1 time planned with him tomorow after school. Hopefully that may help in some small way. 

[Smc]

I suspect big crises act a bit like psychological earthquakes. You get warning tremors that may go completely unnoticed, then the big shock, then the aftershocks which affect both the person who had the crisis and those close to them. I think our 13 y.o. has a constant simmering worry about her older sister, but our recent crisis night was followed up by nightmares over the next week or two. It escalates the existing background watchfulness and buried fears. 

[Determined]

Thank you @Smc your thoughts are always much appreciated. 

S2 was quite worried about his mum this afternoon after school, Friday afternoon I pick him up from school and we hang around town for an hour before going to youth group. He kept asking how she was forgetting he had already asked me. In the end I called her so he could talk to her which helped. 

It was a mystery to my darling why he would be so worried. The lack of insight both amazes me and is really starting to upset me. 

[Determined]

Feeling bad for S2 at the moment.

He was sent out of a class to the detention room on Friday afternoon after an altercation with the teacher (not his usual classroom teacher). While I don't ever condone him disrespecting teachers he couldn't see that he had done anything wrong so was a little confused.  What has upset me and S2 is that after he left the room everyone apparently  laughed and labeled it another `S2 mental moment`.  Clearly he did loose his cool but is lacking insight 😞  It would seem him loosing his cool has become a source of amusement for his fellow students, that makes me sad.  

Based on his version of events I can join some dots and imagine how it unfolded and can't blame the teacher for sending him out,    

[Determined]

@Smcthought it may be more appropriate to answer question re meeting with principal here,

Our meeting went well, the meeting was more of a follow up to debrief without S1 present to ensure we as parents did not have any concerns about the effect on S1.

He had not done anything specifically wrong more was influenced into a compromising situation that had potential for emotional fallout for him. Thankfully due to his personality he seems to have moved on as usual, yesterday was yesterday lets now worry about today lol. I wish I had that ability.

The principal was also concerned to follow up and see how I was processing it all as she knows things are not great at home. particularly as I made it clear that my darling did not need to know about this right now. I am really amazed and touched by the level of care and understanding that has been demonstrated.

Thinking I should tell my Darling at some point as what has happened is quite significant but I just can't deal with that discussion right now and the risk of her overreacting is quite high.