Lived Experience Forum

[Rosemary4]

My GPs going on holidays today, told her I've been really down, feeling like my life energy is running out and I might die soon" but she didn't get it, only requested sleep studies & bloods & script repeats for usual medication. Don't know if I should change doctor?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Rosemary4, how are you? I hope you're still ok.

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Rosemary4 

It’s so lovely to hear from you - Happy New Year 💜

Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful picture with me 💜 I absolutely love the shades of pink and purple that fill the evening sky and the stars are just spectacular 💜

It can be incredibly painful when the people in our lives are unable to accept us for who we are 💜 As I listened to this part of your story, I was really struck by the phrase that you used to describe your experiences, ‘I’m thinking maybe in heaven’ and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if perhaps this reflects the despair and hopelessness that you feel in relation to the possibility of change?

Given everything that’s been happening for you, I can really appreciate how you’ve reached a place in your life where you’ve made the decision to withdraw from those around you and establish some boundaries to protect yourself 💜

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had to self-isolate over Christmas and I just ever so gently wondered how are you feeling now? Although, thankfully I haven’t been in a position where I’ve had to self-isolate, it sounds as though it would be an extremely challenging adjustment and it’s no wonder that you feel as though the walls are starting to close in on you 💜

Thank you so much for asking about me 😊 Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I’m on an emotional roller coaster ride and as such, I’m finding some days incredibly challenging and other days a little easier 💜

One of the first plants that I purchased was a jade plant. Initially, I thought that I was doing a wonderful job of taking care of it, as it was growing in leaps and bounds and it’s leaves were a beautiful vibrant green 😊 However, after several weeks, I noticed that it was beginning to wilt and wither and despite my best efforts, I was unable to nurture it back to health.

I also had a cute miniature cactus that lived in a brightly coloured ceramic pot 😊 I’d never owned a cactus before and so I placed it on the window ledge, as I thought that it would enjoy the warmth and sunshine 😊 However, every time I checked on it, I noticed that the soil always appeared to be incredibly dry. I couldn’t bear to think that it was thirsty and so I began to water it a few times a week. In hindsight, I think that I may have killed it with kindness, as I’ve since realised that cactus only need the occasional drink of water - not the large amounts of liquid that I was feeding it 😆

Please know that I’m thinking of you and I look forward to talking with you again soon 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself 💜

ShiningStar 💜

[Rosemary4]

Hi @Former-Member  - thanks for asking. I'm ok - been up and down but laying in this morning I had this internal sense of calm, race, maybe even happy. Twas nice not to have to drag myself out of bed. I'm not sure why. 

How are you going? 

[Rosemary4]

Hi @ShiningStar, 

Nice see you. Glad you liked that image of star 🌠 

You asked a few thought-provoking  questions I'll try answer:

Q1. I'm not sure what you mean or how you relate my image of perfect relationships in heaven one day, relates to change. It's true I find rejection by "family" unacceptable, and sudden death just confuses and shatters me... So in that sense I guess I struggle with change as such and depressive episodes are sure filled with hopelessness and despair. 

Heaven is my happy place to hope in. 

Big life Changes sure remind us we're not in control, and yes, that's scary on my own.vJyst thinking about it makes me nauseated. I have 3 death anniversaryies this month that numb me.

Thank you for supporting my need to  withdraw,vim so sick of people telling me to "get out there & socialise if you feel lonely" Yeah, right, as if. I don't like feeling the alone but I'm learning it's ok to protect myself too. 

Yes,bit was a bummer spending Christmas alone - but a friend dropped a gift at my door and I've cought up with a couple of people since. One old friend from interstate gave me her whole afternoon, and lunch 😯 I remember how just this visit took away the power behind the SI I was having (which I don't talk about). Guess it's validation, connection. That was last week. I've picked up but also can't sit for long, aggitated, but plenty to do in the garden. IDBI keep busy I'm ok. 

Sorry you're feeling pummelled lately, What's causing your emotional rollercoaster - is it internal? thoughts? hormones? Or external? Constant change of plans can be very unsettling. Are you ok? I hope your good days at enough to sustain you. 

ABOUT PLANTS - oh dear, sounds like you're not a green thumb at all lol  Made me chuckle  your cactus 🌵  story - it is very easy to overwater them 🤗 I had to goodle you JADE, but only to find there's 40+ different types of jade, many of which I was pleased to see are what I am growing, including 'money tree' I'd love to bonsi one of my Jade's. Think all my succulents are from cuttings 🤔 Found this lovely thick leaf fern in an Op shop, this is my favourite green, really soft. 

Talk again soon 🌻

[Former-Member]

@Rosemary4 I'm a bit all over the place at the moment. Otherwise, just plodding along aimlessly.

[Rosemary4]

I can relate to "all over the place" FiFi85, nothing wrong with plodding. But getting out of bed might help lol

[Rosemary4]

@Fifi85 😟@@ what? Where'd you go? Hope you're ok? Sorry to see your 'former member' status 😢 Be well, stay safe 💕

[Former-Member]

Hi there @Rosemary4 and other forum members reading along,

I'm stopping by to let you know that Fifi85 has decided to leave the forums – it was a decision that Fifi85 made to support their wellbeing, and one that SANE also supports. The door is open for them to return should they wish to in the future.

This might also be a good opportunity to remind the community that SANE actively supports members to make independent decisions regarding their forums account. In line with the SANE strengths based approach to care, we support your independent decisions and work with you to promote your wellbeing.

Change in the forums can be difficult to navigate, so if the news of Fifi85's departure from the community results in emotions that are hard to sit with, please reach out for support to the SANE help centre on 1800 197 263.

Rhye ☘️

[HenryX]

Hello @Former-Member , @Rosemary4 , @Appleblossom , @Alicat , @ShiningStar 

and others visiting this thread

I am sorry to have become aware of FiFi85's departure. Though I am also aware that Fifi85 had some issues with the site, that certainly did not overshadow FiFi85's other positive and supportive contributions. Many of those contributions, I enjoyed, valued and appreciated.

If you read this FiFi85, Thank You

and

Best Wishes

@HenryX