Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for tag and explanation @HenryX 

I am sorry for Fifi85's departure too.

Thanks @Former-Member for your post.  It can be shocking and unsettling to see that 'former member' label.

@Rosemary4 

You were having a nice connection. Hope you are alright. 

I was struck by you mentioning you have 3 anniversaries to manage getting through, as well as christmas alone..  I have had about 10 christmases alone, and learned to protect myself from even revealing that in social chitchat, as it would cause a problem. 

Getting back into social contact after periods of isolation is very tricky.  We do not necessarily want to burden others with our stories, but in order to be fully present some aspect often comes up. Deep experiences are deep parts of our selves.

The other day someone said "suck it up buttercup" and I could quip back quickly ... yes I have sucked up more than most buttercups.  I am learning to find words instead of being overwhelmed and silenced.

It is great you are doing good things for yourself and being protective.  If people cannot give any empathy at all, then they are not going to be good for friendship.  It is also really days to recover from a sibling suicide.  Self protection is probablly key.

How's the garden .... I have those plants .... very tough .... need to be managed not to take over, but good staple.  I had a weird rain which seemed to damage some rose bush leaves a couple of weeks ago.  Nothing too drastic but I noticed it also on leaves of trees.  It was weird... or  maybe they were spraying in a nearby area ... we live and learn ....

Apple

[Rosemary4]

Oh @Appleblossom, x10 christmases alone 😮 it takes all our energy not to internalise the way we're treated at special times.  Some choose to be on their own. I'd love to boycott Christmas... such a farce when ya have such broken families. How does telling others cause a problem for you? I don't tell cause I feel ashamed and don't want invites with a bunch of strangers, feel like a charity case, bung on 'the happy' for them so I'm not misread as ungrateful... .easier alone.

You're right about getting back into social contact after long periods of isolation. I absolutely don't want to burden others, for many years I blurted out my storiy with any and every listening ear, so distressed was I for so long. But I've learnt to shutup. People don't wanna hear the sad stuff. (guess it's too much for them, might cloud their sunny day.or something. Didn't think it burdened them, but it did cause they've all left, or did I? 🤔

WTF!!! how rude saying to you "suck it up buttercup" Says a lot about that mindless uperficial individual. I'd love to know your comeback words that stop you feeling "overwhelmed and silenced at those times? This is why I don't socialise anymore, but You go girl! More fight than me.

Being self protective feels strange for me, but got to a crisis survival point where I have to these days, esp after major loss such as sibling suicide. It changes you. Sucks so much 😢

Your garden, does sound weird, "rain damagd rose bushes & leaves of trees" sounds like black frost, hope they survive - Roses are very hardy. I'm building a long shelf / table to put my potted garden on. Picked up some old bar stools and solid iron fencing 500x4000mm long, from the tip shop yesterday, as avtable top. Hoping it works. Always something going on out in the yard. Bit messy atm.

Picked up two swivel dinning chairs off gumtree today. But after that I crashed, woke up freezing, put doona on and fell asleep for another 3hrs. Strange. Might be the coVid booster I had yesterday. Have you had yours?

[Appleblossom]

@Rosemary4 

Hugs

I was overwhelmed when you "stood up" for me and said what that lady said was rude.

Thank you.

Just had to stand back a bit and take it in, as it is hard for me to know, as I tend to have to field a lot of comments that are rude and triggering for me.

Thanks you again.

Apple

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Rosemary4 

It’s so lovely to hear from you 💜

I loved the image of the star that you shared with me - thank you so much 💜

Thank you so much for sharing what ‘I’m thinking maybe in heaven’ means for you 💜 Just from what you described, it sounds as though thinking about heaven provides you with the opportunity to escape from some incredibly painful experiences, memories and emotions and as such, I can really appreciate how thinking about this provides you with a sense of safety, comfort, hope and peace 💜

Oh Rosemary4 💜 I’m so deeply sorry to hear that you’ve experienced the anniversary of three people’s deaths in one month and my heart goes out to you 💜

Losing three people from your life so suddenly and in such a short period of time is a significant trauma and as such, it’s absolutely no wonder that you feel ‘numb’ 💜 Given everything that has been happening for you, I just ever so gently wondered how are you travelling today?

You’re welcome 😊 In my experience we all have times in our lives when we need to withdraw from the people around us 😊

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling so lonely 💜 In my experience it can be incredibly distressing when people minimise the complexities associated with loneliness and suggest that all we need to do is ‘get out there and socialise.’ In my experience, these sorts of suggestions have left me feeling even more alone, as it became clear that the people around me couldn’t relate to what was happening for me and / or appreciate the underlying issues that contributed to how desperately alone I felt.

Absolutely 😊 Establishing boundaries to protect ourselves and ensure that our needs are met is incredibly healthy and just from what you’ve described, it sounds as though you’re making some wonderful progress in relation to achieving this 😊

Christmas can be an incredibly lonely and distressing time of the year for so many people and I’m so thrilled to hear that one of your friends surprised you with a gift and that you were able to spend some time enjoying lunch with your friend who lives interstate 💜 In my experience, simple acts of kindness can be incredibly powerful, as they not only have the potential to help us to feel special and valued, but they can also help us to challenge some of the ways that we see and feel about ourselves 💜

Thank you so much for checking in with me - that’s so kind of you 💜 Sometimes I find it difficult to pinpoint exactly what’s contributing to how I’m feeling, but I suspect that it’s a combination of living with various mental health conditions and the curve balls that life often throws us 💜 Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I’m being pounded relentlessly by huge sets of waves and just when I manage to reach the surface to take a breath, another set crashes over the top of me.

That’s so true! I’m definitely not a green thumb 😆 Wow! I had no idea that there were so many different jade plants! The one that I attempted to care for had a beautiful small green leaf and from memory it was meant to be lucky!

Unfortunately, it’s young life was cut short in my care and so although I didn’t experience any financial luck - things may have been very different if my poor little plant had lived longer 💜

What a beautiful fern! I love this particular shade of green too, as it looks so healthy, fresh and vibrant! I can just picture it sitting in a decorative hanging basket and swinging gently in the breeze from someone’s balcony or veranda 😊

It’s always so lovely to be able to talk with you 💜

Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you some very gentle and caring hugs 💜

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Rosemary4]

Hi @Shingstar, I'm glad you liked the image of the star... No, thinking of heaven isn't just an escape, it's my happy place, my faith, my good report, my hope, purpose provision & peace... it's a relationship with a loving God, with or without painful experiences. Yes, nothing wrong with a sense of safety, comfort, hope and peace 💜 salvation.

Yep, three close family deaths in summer 💜 Thanks for caring but it's aniversaries, that horrible initial shock has long past.

How am I travelling today? Ok, bit surgery and isolated but staying busy.

You sound equally familiar with loneliness Shining star, stupid fix-it suggestions lewvrvyou feeling even more alone, Yep, most people have someone, and thus cannot relate.. or know those embarrassing underlying issues that contribute to isolation. You got it. Feeling IT WITH you

Setting boundaries to protect our needs might be healthy, but think my only friend has altogether shut me out, she won't tell me ANYTHINV about her personal life anymore,vmothing, even when I ask how she is she changed the subjec. At first it felt good that she's not 'dumunf' anymore... but this silence & emotional withold get sure hurts. I could walk away. She hasn't stopped in for coffee for two months now, use to be weekly+ Andvtheveorstbpartbisvknowingvshs swung to the opposite extreme and it's messin' with my head. She's sick of me.

Christmas is empty for me. My friend did drop off a gift but won't stay for coffee anymore 😞 it's kinda backhanded to me. Show for the hubby or something. Drop & run... :face_with_rolling_eyes: after 10yrs of friendship. Reaction to my saying I can't handle seeing her upset so much... No inbetween with her. I did take her up on an offer for lunch last week, or should I say "leftovers" as she called it. I didn't let on but it wasn't very nice. All together makes me feel emotionally abused 😢 (by her on puroose, smug, almost tongue in cheek) Stubborn resolve of some kind. She has her hubby, & daughter, and parents. I'm almost done.

Smple acts of kindness are great. Actions speak to me these days, not words.

an be incredibly powerful, as they not only have the potential to help us to feel special and valued, but they can also help us to challenge some of the ways that we see and feel about ourselves 💜

You said you live with various mental health conditions, is that like having ptsd, anxiety, sociall phobia & depression which seems to be part of any serious M.I. diagnosis. what do you battle again (sorry I can't remember), and I hate labels.

Sorry you feel "pounded relentlessly by huge sets of waves and just when I manage to reach the surface to take a breath, another set crashes over the top of me" (wow, that's so descriptive), exhausting!!! How do we do it day in day out?

Yes, the Jade is meant to be lucky! Rumour has it that if you plant one by your front door, you'll never be broke 😊 Not very scientific lol

Glad you like the ferns shade of green too. I repotted my little one today - shocked to discover it was practically living on air in that tiny pot. Should really take off now 😊🌿

Though we rarely meet here, I appreciate you. Be strong, God bless 🌿

[Rosemary4]

Oh dear, I'm not feeling well this morning. Got the shakes and palpitations. Had a dream with Dr Phil in it telling me a few home truths, silly things like 'you like sleep too much" (such is the nature of dreams :face_with_rolling_eyes: and yes, this morning I do Just wanna go back to bed and sleep and not wake up. I did have an anti anxiety pill before bed, maybe it need to wear off still. But I got up before 8am, dithery, let furbaby out, j've had a cup of tea and it's lovely outside it seems, might cluck in the garden maybe. Not good like this on my own. Anyway... Soldier on, maybe, I donno, another cuppa calling me ☕ anyone around?

[Appleblossom]

@Rosemary4 

Its been over an hour since you posted so you might have gone.

Would you like a piece of pie?  Friendships can be hard and so can being on our own.

Take Care

Apple Pie ?

[HenryX]

Hello @Rosemary4 , @Appleblossom ,@ShiningStar , @Alicat , @Former-Member 

Just dropping in for my regular check on the forum and noticed a cuppa and apple pie suggested. Sounds great!!

Yes, being on our own with backgrounds of memories, challenges and difficulties can be difficult. With others nearby, partner, neighbour and or good friends with whom we can talk over issues, have a reason for doing the things that are ordinarily considered necessary, and sometimes, a little sparring that can provide distraction, there are positively imposed demands on our lives through those relationships.

In the last couple of days, I have noticed some fluctuations, in my own mood, between the sensations of "is it all worth it?" and the other side of "if I want to look after myself, I need to get in and work on it." Neither is really easy to deal with, mentally or functionally. However, I am trying to reinforce, encourage and nurture my way through the latter thought and action pattern.

Physical difficulties and limitations come into play also and can be very discouraging.

The one thing that spurs me on is the connection with daughter and her son, both of whom I care for immensely. I do not see them as often as I would like, but just the knowledge of their existence is encouragement for me.

There are still, in the background, recollections of past and present negative and discouraging influences to be considered, reflected on and mentally dealt with. But I try to focus on what I care about and what is important to me, and what I still want to accomplish, to maintain impetus and forward momentum.

I hope that my refections have not been so cloudy as to have diminished the preparation for and enjoyment of a shared cuppa and some apple pie and the cream that I would like to add.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Former-Member]

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There are still, in the background, recollections of past and present negative and discouraging influences to be considered, reflected on and mentally dealt with. But I try to focus on what I care about and what is important to me, and what I still want to accomplish, to maintain impetus and forward momentum.

---

@HenryX this paragraph really struck a chord with me. I think it's somewhat safe for me to presume that a large percentage of us here in the forum deal with past and present negative influences, in fact being human it's hard to avoid such influences. You mention that the key for you is to focus on what's important to you, and I emphatically concur – I truly believe it's imperative for those of us living with mental health challenges to identify a goal/passion/interest because that's what makes life rewarding @HenryX 🌼

That said, it's not lost on me just how hard it can be to have the head space to make these goals or identify ones passion in life, but when we start small sometimes the steps we take start to add up.

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us, @HenryX.

Rhye ☘️

[HenryX]

Hello @Former-Member 

and @Rosemary4 , @Appleblossom

Thank you @Former-Member . I, also, very much appreciate the acknowledgement and affirmation offered by you and other members in this thread and others as well.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX