Need to vent

[Owlunar]

That's good to hear @BlueBay  - I read your Christmas Message too 

The weather is very unpleasant and I am having a bad pain day   - I'm in bed texting  - I will post later 

Dec

[BPDSurvivor]

@BlueBay The cloths sound so cute! Are burp cloths those big square cloths? Any photos of your amazing sewing?

im so glad you achieved your goal of making the 10. Well done!

[BlueBay]

hey @BPDSurvivor  i will try to put up a picture of the burp cloths.  Yeah they are rectangular in shape and I fold them in thirds. 

I am very anxious about tomorrow - dr's appt at 11am and psychologist appt at 3pm.

not looking forward to either appt. because i have to tell them how bad i was last week including other dark thoughts.

oh, sessions are always hard with my psychologist.  i always end up in tears, and sometimes not even wanting to talk to him.  

also, i have been getting palpitations for the past few weeks, so i think i better tell him and get it checked out.  they occur anytime of day and night and me being me I do worry!!

@Owlunar @Emelia8 @oceangirl @Jynx @Snowie @Shaz51 and others reading along - 

[BlueBay]

Baby burp cloths.

[BlueBay]

Oh not a good night 

severe headache thumping 

Kept waking me up 

took my blood pressure - very very high 

have taken meds and now drinking a coffee 

lucky I have a drs appt this morning 

hste these headaches 

@BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Emelia8 @oceangirl @Shaz51 and others 

[BlueBay]

Sessions with GP and psych were difficult. My gp wants to see me next week to check in. 
I gave him a box of shortbread biscuits and a jar of my lavender salts. He was very appreciative and couldn't thank me enough. 
He said he's wife (also dr at clinic ) will enjoy the salts. He was impressed at how good they looked. 
saw my psychologist talked about finances and my mum. Very hard session. 
I'm exhausted my mind is everywhere. 
not ringing my mum now. Going to see if she rings me. 
@BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Emelia8 @oceangirl @Shaz51 

[BPDSurvivor]

If it's difficult, perhaps the sessions are doing something? When I was going through therapy, the hardest sessions were the ones that made the difference. Not sure if this is the same for you.

As for your mum, perhaps now is not the best time to phone. Recuperate, then phone. @BlueBay 

[BlueBay]

hey @BPDSurvivor 

No I'm not ringing her for a few days.  She hasn't called me for a while now. All of a sudden she's stopped calling. I have to ring. My psychologist refers to DBT during our session. Trying to accept is difficult. He also mentioned half smile and putting your hands out open palms. It's calling willing in the dbt manual. Do you remember this? 

Im not in a crisis atm just sad for my dad. Very sad. But I can't chsnge it so I need to learn to accept it's their decision not to come for Xmas or see us for a few years. 
I actually feel very sad because we are all doubled vax. It's them. 
but my psychologist was surprised that my dad never picks up the phone to call me. It's always my mum. And he could but he doesn't. 

[BlueBay]

Crying 😢 😢😢

life is so hard 

@BPDSurvivor @Owlunar @Emelia8 @oceangirl @Shaz51  and others ive forgotten 

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

One thing about a tough life is that you really know you are alive - and that's a good thing but hard to understand - I get it

And for my part - don't ring your mother for any reason - she doesn't want to see you so it's time to give her what she wants and respect that - let her feel the consequences of her behaviour

As for your father - tough too I know but he is making his choices too - and respect that

I really want to see my aunt in Tasmania - she's dying - when I can I will see her - she doesn't want to talk on the phone but when I see her she very likely will want to talk - I don't know where she is at the moment so I have emailed my cousins overseas and I will be talking to my other elderly uncle later today - 

After I have had my booster I think I can fly to Hobart safely making sure I have those Rapid Antigen Tests with me. I feel it's important. But even so - if I do get to Hobart and find she doesn't want to see me I have to respect that - if people want their privacy then I feel it's my responsibilty to give it to them

So - it's up to you about your parents - if they want their privacy you are being the bigger and better person allowing them to have that. They have hurt you a lot haven't they? And you still care. That love and care counts for something on  your side of the ledger of life - bear that gift in mind

Still sending love

Dec