Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

It is an interesting thread. I hope you dont mind if I join In?

I love the way you talk about your elephant @Former-Member.

I know that there are both very independent and dependent parts of me.  I am always looking for love and I often choose or am chosen by dominant alpha types.  I am good at accompanying and playing 'second fiddle' but have not done many solos ... in music or real life ... I used to be very afraid to express a choice about books, movies, or films in case it was the wrong one etc ... as everybody I met had such emphatic opinions ... I have worked to overcome this through study ... so that I actually know the fields and what the actual choices mean ... as before I didnt really know what eg'; rock music I liked ... and would like the first thing I heard ... and be agreeable ... not false just ignorant and without have any real basis for comparison.

One of my aunts told me off for being clinging once when I thought I had been so grown up and independent .. but sponsoring extended family events ... to keep us all connected .. I think the range of behaviours is broad.

With Personality Disorders ... the early psychiatrists had a big division between psychotic and neurotic disorders ...

people with psychotic disorders were usually far more damaged and dysfunctional that those with neurosis ...

the Borderline ... refers to being in the middle between psychotic and neurotic ...

they (shrinks) couldnt work it out ... I still think they struggle and the labels are just ideas for them to work with ... and experiment in seeing what helps their patients.

if the person themself feels they are not coping and sees a psych ... they are proactive in seeking help

or the person is out of control and picked up police, ambos etc ... they are often in a state of psychosis and denial.

A personality is huge and shifting aspect of being human. Watcing kids through teaching and parenting gives me a healthy respect for the developmental aspect and non-fixed aspect of personality.

I used to think I my brother and sister and i had inadequate personalities.  The more I know ... the less I can be sure about anything. lol

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member

I hope that is a load off your shoulders, sharing here tonight what is / has been troubling you ....

I don't know whether I am speaking for others too, but a label doesn't make much difference to me in terms of getting to know you here, other than perhaps understanding better what is upsetting you about it all.  Sometimes just being able to talk about something openly helps, so that's a good thing if it has worked that way for you.

Its okay to not always be upbeat.  I have had a bit of a down day today, but for me that means upping the self-care to try to balance the scale a bit.   To me it is important to let ourselves feel whatever it is we feel - there is an honesty and integrity in that - but it is also important to give it boundaries so we don't indulge negative feelings endlessly if we can help it ... maybe that is an area to discuss with your therapist.  

I know from the experience of others on the Carer's forum that some people who experience conditions (prefer this term to "disorders") where they dissociate or struggle with psychoses sit down in a calmer period and work out an action plan with those closest to them, as in "when this is happening, these are the boundaries we are committing to as a team, and this is how we are to handle it".  I think that is part of the value of a diagnosis, and with working under a therapist.

Probably there is a "getting to know yourself better" element to this.  If you can park the term "personality disorder" to one side somewhere, and think of this cluster of conditions as your personal pot-pourri .... maybe you can consider it a journey of working out what makes you tick, the uniqueness of you, rather than considering it a series of negative labels ....

That's the way I see the principle of sub-personalities in any case .... if our overall personalities are made up of sub-personalities who respond to life in their own characteristic ways, and we just grow into ways of orchestrating our "inner family", then this is your journey .... learning which parts of your personality are reactive to what, and learning how to calm them, soothe them, give them courage, celebrate them, etc.

I hope something of this is helpful for you ... you come across as cheerfully positive and giving of yourself most of the time.  Please let us share this learning journey with you, as you are comfortable to.

🌷💗💕

[Former-Member]

Thanks so much for your support and encouragement @Faith-and-Hope and @Appleblossom.

I had read about Borderline on being on the border of neurotic and psychotic which did actually help with that label @Appleblossom. Mind you they (mental health professionals - not all but many in my experience) decide what label for what occassion for me. When hospitalised for self harm the hospitals only have BPD down because it's easy to kick you out and not have to treat you. My mental health team won't let me have face to face contact as they only see the DPD stuff and justify not treating me that way (can't get clingy with anyone with no face to face even though that's not my issue so much). Sorry this is turning into a rant. My GP recently wrote down my behaviour was histrionic ( whilst having a huge fear of abandonment breakdown). I already have some avoidant traits so some days I think I'm well on the way to being one huge personality disaster. However my current therapist is very good a grounding me and so I am beginning to as @Faith-and-Hope mentioned learn about myself. I guess I've been throwing questions out over the last few months to try and find perspective on some things. I guess I've also looking at the things most MI have in common as a way to not feel so isolated with it. And yes @Faith-and-Hope I feel a huge weight lifted right now. I hope it stays this way. Thanks again for your responses😊💜

[Appleblossom]

Yes @Former-Member I know exactly what you meant about the diagnosis sometimes being what fits the docs agenda ... and being able to discharge etc

After my brother died there was a strange recanting of diagnosis to get rid of him.  if I was more together I would have tried to get more of an enquiry going. He died 10 days after they changed him to a BPD not schizophrenia ...

the laws need work

Why isnt there a proper inquiry into prior medical contacts in all cases of suicide? 

Sorry that is a distraction ... I have somehow avoided a lot of labels but can self diagnose me with most things ... I think it is basically low self esteem ... but driven to look for answers so I research ...

With the shift to trauma informed therapy ... and the Complex PTSD diagnosis ... they might get better results ... than just labelling and medicating people ... We need to be proactive in our own health care anyway ... any doctor physical or mental ... can only do so much ... a lot depends on our individual responses.

[Former-Member]

I might be wrong but i always thought our personality is the way we relate to other people & the world. P is not who we are but HOW we communicate. We can be very misunderstood by our delivery. The thing is, we're all individually 'different' and i don't like that these eggspurts decide that some are disordered. Why can't we just be 'different' They probably need boxes to categorise personality in terms of treatment options. But the way I see it, there's no 'treatment' really, just coping skills🌷

[Faith-and-Hope]

I find DID fascinating .... (with all due respect to anyone who lives with this).  

The coping skills involved in managing multiple personalities within yourself must be something truly challenging and, I think, amazing.

One form of enhancing communication between the different personalities in the instance of DID is the use of diaries or journals.  Primarily one journal is used, which all the personalities use to write their thoughts and feeling to each other as journal entries, but I have also heard of different journals, or even FB pages for the different entities too.  

This seems to be an area of contention between different psychologists, but the journaling principle is one that could benefit many people's circumstances with swinging moods.  You could write in different coloured pens according to how you feel, and scrapbook images or glue in bits and pieces that help you to see how you are travelling - maybe even leave "notes to self" on the better days to read on days when you're feeling not so good, suggesting self-care options, and belief in yourself.

Its just a thought ....

Your whole home can be a form of positive journaling, if you try to place things around you that bring you joy, and maybe have places to sit and be comforted on the days that seem a bit joyless, and "memory corners" to set up objects that you connect with particular relationships or times in your life.

A "possibilities" book or pin-board is another one I like.... has anyone seen The Last Holiday with Queen Latifah ? (It's not her last holiday, by the way ... ❣)

[Former-Member]

Hey @Faith-and-Hope,

mine is DPD not DID but I know others here have DID too. Mine is much more just behavioural. Mostly come from over strict parents who never let me do anything for myself. Nice that you looked it up though💜😊

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member

Yes, it's been on my radar for some time ... just trying to get a handle on what is happening with my WH really, but also needing to understand some family history, and current conditions amongst extended family members.

My grandmother had "something" that members of her family have referred to as schizophrenia, but my aunt, her daughter, who was a nurse, suggested that it was bipolar in her view.  It may in fact have been schizo-affective .... that much we will never actually know.

My DIL has bipolar with si and sh .... although she has only shared with us her diagnoses and social anxiety disorder was the first one ... the rest is gradually being shared by others of her family members.  I feel for her and my son, very deeply, but I am respectful of the privacy boundaries they have raised, and will allow them to share more as and when (and if) they feel comfortable to.  The situation with my WH may be preventing them from sharing more, fearful of overloading our coping abilities.

My sister suffered several rounds with convulsions as a child, seemingly as a result of illness, but perhaps something neurological was going on at the time .... we will never know that either .... and she was administered experimental drugs in the hope of stopping whatever it was.  It may have been epilepsy.  She had other, rare episodes during her teenage years.  In any case, she is affected in terms of her personality, and is very controlling and emotionally aggressive, not all the time, but severely enough to impede personal relationships.  She quite happily lives alone within the township where my father lives, has a relationship with him, and has involvement in her church community.  She has no interest in diagnosis or therapy, and we accept her choices.

My WH has three cousins with mi - two are referred to as schizophrenic, although the diagnosis may involve other aspects that the family don't discuss and are unlikely to want to connect with anyway.  The other one is possibly undiagnosed, very likely still in the denial stage (now that I have learned more about the stages of change), but her behaviour is not the same as her brothers .... from her mother's descriptions it may be BPD, but speculation in the absence of diagnosis is only helpful in terms of everybody trying to both empathise and manage relationships.

It is clear that ocd behaviours are part of our extended families on both sides ....

There appear to be certain traits particular to people affected by eating disorders, which I am reluctant to refer to as personality, but these traits are prevalent enough to be referred to as symptoms.  In seeking medical and psychological support, the suggestion has been made that there is likely to be another underlying condition which is being masked by the ed.  Rather than trying to diagnose my husband beyond the obvious existence of the ed, my research is about how to manage our situation, and help him to cope while placing boundaries on what we are prepared to accept from him behaviourally.

All who have been contributing here are supporting my understanding and coping strategies so much .... I am very grateful that you have been prepared to share your experiences so openly, including with me.

🌷💗💕

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope, 

It sounds like you have much running through your family. I think because it was greatly taboo to talk about no one ever really knew what family secrets there were. Even abuse was taboo to discuss. I do however see a strong genetic component to my stuff too. For my grandmother to go through something very similar at the same age as I have gives me some comfort even though her life story was so completely different and much more tragic than mine. I have read and totally understand that there is something psychological underlying with ED too. That seems to be key in working it out. My old psychologist and current therapist have described my stuff as a strength and a struggle because it has deleoped a great understanding of empathy and compassion but causes so much suffering too being so sensitive. I think that everyone who has come to terms with their MI has this strength and struggle too. Let's hope when WH finally comes to terms with his you'll find his new strengths too and be able to be there for the struggle part. I'm not sure if I'm reading you right today @Faith-and-Hope but my spidy senses tell me you are a bit down. I hope you really put your self care plan in action if you are. Thinking of you, sending lots of hugs too💜😊

[Former-Member]

Love this conversation, where do you guys learn this stuff!