Good day/bad day

[Chris]

Do you ever get to the point that you feel you can't do this anymore. No I am NOT suicidal. Just tired of the struggle. I feel like I've been putting on this pretence that I'm ok. And I keep challenge myself that I feel I can't do. So why do it. So as a result I've canceled my psychologist.Also the new group that starts next week. And cancelled out on one other thing that was important to me, but I just don't have the courage to go through with it. It's sheer frustration as to doing these things or not doing them.Feel like I just can't win .
That's about it really.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Chris. I don't know your story but just wanted to leave a message saying I hear you and relate to often feeling a lack of will to engage with things. Like you, I also sometimes get the feeling that pretending positivity is exhausting. A few things occur to me:

• One suggestion is to re-make the appointments if possible tomorrow or the next day or as soon as you can, and just go anyway even if you are not feeling it. I know some people say that just turning up for things is beneficial. 
• If this is not possible, or if you have too much resistance at present, perhaps let yourself be for a while, ride out these feelings and engage again when you can find some energy.
• It also seems possible that your current therapy is just not really working for you and that you might consider finding alternatives. I would be careful jumping to this conclusion though because it might just be that your current mood is not reflective of overall progress.

I hope these suggestions are helpful in some way and, if not, at least know that others are listening.

[Former-Member]

i havent got much i can say, but i do get that feeling. remember nothing is set in stone... sometimes things pass or change and thats ok too... i hope things seem better for you soon,

take care

lj

[Jacques]

hI @Chris,

Yes that ishow i have felt for some time now,  what is the point, i live everyday exactly the same, nothing changes, except the date. i wake up, go for a walk, have breakfast, wait for lunhc have a sleep, have dinner and sleep some more.

That is my day in a nutshell, every day for the past 14 years,  i often wonder why i keep going, honestly i don't know, fear of failure (suicide) i am terrified someone will save me.

I am tired of being scared, tired of being in constant dread, tired of being put down.  really tired of everything, i just want peace.

i have only taken a few steps forward, and many thousands back.  always waiting for the figurative piano to drop on my head.

i don't know what the answer is, i know i will always be this way.

Thankyou for this post, i thought i was only thinking these things myself.

Take Care & Stay Warm

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

I feel like that a lot.  I am trying to find a balance between being "positive" and cant be bothered.  Sometimes I think my cant be bothered is actually sign of "growth". or learning about a different side of myself.

Eg A few years ago I decded not to care about the state of my room.  It helps me reflect on my inner teenager , rebel, but it has been productive in a weird way.  Its not too out of control, but I am not driven to pick everything up or keep it neat any more. Ahh bugger it.

@Chris

I remember you were going to do the DBT course which is a big commitment.  Not sure what the right answer is. @Mazarita has a point .. just showing up is important .. regardless of how you feel .. you can learn to regulate your emotion bit by bit over time.

[NikNik]

Thinking of you @Chris

Hope things are on the up.