I'm not sure how much I should intervene (anorexia related)

[MumOfAnAnorexic]

Hi @Former-Member,

It's a shame that you're allergic to cat fur but dogs are cute too. I love pretty much every animal but I seem to relate to cats the most. Having said that my sister has a very friendly dog and I love him! Holly sounds lovely too.  

[MumOfAnAnorexic]

We got a call from the dietician today and we made an appointment for Wednesday. I was surprised to get an appointment so soon but the doctor did say that there wouldn't be a waiting list for the dietician. 

Unfortunately my son wasn't feeling well again today. He was shaking a lot and said that his heart was pounding and he was hot. I was worried at first but when I found out why I couldn't believe that a 22 year old could have such a lack of common sense. He drank one of those Monster energy drinks, which is very high in caffeine, on an empty stomach. I felt a mix of frustration and relief that it was nothing serious. Hopefully he learns from it!

[Ali11]

Those energy drinks can be scary on an empty stomach @MumOfAnAnorexic, there was a guy a few years back who drank too many in a day and had a hospital visit. Glad your son is alright! And that's good news about the dietician, hoping it really helps  How are you doing, was the rest of your week okay? 

[Faith-and-Hope]

My hubby did that a few years ago with coffee @MumOfAnAnorexic .  Was drinking so much of it he got the shakes and heart palpitations ..... wasn’t great ....

[MumOfAnAnorexic]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope and @Ali11,

The rest of the week has been alright thanks. My son has a meal plan from the dietician now and I've been supporting him with it. He felt quite overwhelmed with how much food he has to eat and how many choices there were on the list so I helped him to narrow it down to some things that he likes. It seems to help to narrow it down, we just have to be careful it's not narrowed down too much to be restrictive.

There were just a few things that I was concerned about. I've been encouraging us to eat together a lot and I've noticed that he plays with his food a lot, taking small mouthfuls and finishing way after me. Apparently this is a common eating disorder behaviour, but is there something I should be doing about it? I tried to encourage him to take bigger mouthfuls but he said he doesn't even know what's normal anymore. I don't know how you can retrain someone to eat normally when it comes so naturally to people without eating disorders so I just let it go for now because I don't want him to feel watched and discouraged from eating.

The other thing is that I sometimes get called in for casual work and I can't always be there to support him and he doesn't always follow his meal plan on his own. I don't feel like there's much I can do about this but I appreciate any suggestions.

Thank you all for supporting me through this 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@MumOfAnAnorexic @that is so good to hear, but hat your son has been to the dietician and has an eating plan, and you were able to approach it in a way that was less overwhelming for him.

I also think you’re right to focus on the fact that at least he is eating, and getting used to the amount of food, so probably that is enough to concentrate on for now.  I am guessing there is a counsellor somewhere involved ?  Or it will be the dietician checking how he is going, then gently suggesting he try to keep the meal within the space of an hour, perhaps.  Then little by little another suggestion will be dropped in there.

if you sit to eat together, so you are keeping company with him, and keep the conversation away from food as naturally as possible, you will be supporting him more that you realise.  My two with anxiety struggles sometimes ask me to sit with them when they have an assignment to do, because having the company helps to keep them steadier.

[MumOfAnAnorexic]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope,

My son sees a psychologist and I usually just let him go in by himself for a bit more confidentiality unless I'm asked to go in but I can definitely suggest to him that he talks to her about the eating behaviours. Also I go into the dietician appointments so it can be brought up there if necessary but as you said, I'm not overly concerned right now, I'm just glad that he's making an effort.

I think eating together is good because it helps to normalise eating habits and I think seeing me eat the same food helps him to see that it's normal to eat like this. He sometimes tries to justify his eating problems by saying 'you're not eating it, if you don't need it, I don't need it either' so I try to eat the same things if possible but he needs to realise that we can't always be the same because he's on a weight gain plan and I'm slightly overweight so it's not healthy for us to always eat the same.

Still, we eat our meals together which seems to help and I usually just prompt him when it's snack time. Watching TV together while eating snacks can help too, it feels a bit more casual and helps with distraction but I do try to make our meals social time and not TV time. I've read mixed opinions about watching TV while eating, some people think it's avoidance so we have to be careful of that, although to me it seems harmless.

[Former-Member]

Good morning @MumOfAnAnorexic 

It really sounds as though everything is going as well as possible with regards to your son.

So good to see.  I hope the current rate of progress continues.

Kindest

Sherry 🌸

[MumOfAnAnorexic]

Thank you @Former-Member. 

[MumOfAnAnorexic]

There have been a few positives over the last few days.

On Tuesday my son's friends invited him to go to San Churros with them. He decided to go without me influencing his decision. He was upset and feeling guilty when he got home but he told me that he actually enjoyed it in the moment and only started feeling bad on the way home. It's not perfect but it's a big improvement. Not long ago he wouldn't even have gone with them so I'm still very proud of his progress. 

Yesterday we went to see an eating disorder support service and they told us more about their day programme and their inpatient programme. My son agreed to do what was recommended, which was to do the inpatient programme and then follow up with the day programme. There's a 4-6 week waiting list for the inpatient programme but I think it will be really helpful for him and I'm so proud of him for putting in the effort. 

I'm feeling very positive at the moment