not coping

[Appleblossom]

Hey @outlander wish we could all get together for a walk and talk and cuppa.

herbal tea or your choice…

[outlander]

not really @Snowie but ill be in hospital for a few weeks soon so hoping it helps

that would be nice @Appleblossom its a lonley corner of the world im in right now

[Snowie]

Not that I want to hear that you will be in hospital @outlander but hopefully it can help you.

We are all here for you hon 💗💗💗

[outlander]

thanks @Snowie but really im just a big burden

[Jynx]

Hey @outlander I am sorry that you feel burdensome hun. I am about to hop off but wanted to just stop by and say that even if you feel like a burden, I promise you're not. You deserve care and support as much as anyone, no matter how intense and heavy your feelings are 💜

Sending some hugs, and maybe we can chat tomorrow if you're up for it - just tag me 😉

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

[Appleblossom]

@outlander 

You have had so much physical issues to deal with, yet you keep showing up for others like pop, your clients, the forums and horses…. You have the right to take up the space you NEED. Please honour your rights. Breathe deeply into your inner cave and draw on your unique resources and I pray you will find sufficient strength.

❤️🦋🌹🥑🐝🦄💃

[outlander]

thank you @Jynx @Appleblossom for the care
im in a really dark place at the moment with hallucinations mixed with the deep depressive state. pain isnt helping at all mixed with the flu too.
im in the last few days of work now so just trying to attend before i have some days off. ive reduced the amount of work so its a little more manageable but every day every minute is a struggle

[Jynx]

@outlander oh hun that is sooo much to be carrying! I bet the flu would be making everything else that much harder, too. Are the hallucinations new? Part of the flu? That's so rough 🥺 

What helps you get through the work day hun? Time off soon, phew!

[outlander]

no @Jynx the hallucinations arent new. ive had them for quite some time they just get worse during intense periods of stress, specific triggers, fatigue sometimes. i have times where i have short psychosis periods as well i just didnt know thats what they were till more recently.

i just have longer breaks and shorter shifts with clients so its not as straining most of the time. ive stopped doing as many nights which are better for me but at the moment my fatigue isnt letting me stay awake like i normally would so i work longer day hours.

ive had to adjust alot atm because of my own disabilities. have to go to hospital for a few weeks so have been working extra hard to pay for my rent etc more in advance and bills and hospital fees etc

[Jynx]

Ahh, gotcha @outlander apologies if I've forgotten or perhaps we simply haven't spoken about that before. But yeah something that I learned about psychosis is that no matter how much we know the experience isn't real, the emotional experience very much is - that would be utterly exhausting. 

Feels like the last big push before the hilltop eh? I hope hospital feels like a relief 🤞💜