Hello @BlueBay
{Everything I have stated in this post is offered as a product of my own personal experience and is in no way to be considered as professional advice.}
Thank you so much for your reply. Please do not worry about time of reply, I know that if I am out for a day and have had other things that I need to get done, it takes me a good while to catch up with posts on the forum. I am just very pleased that when you received it, you felt that it seemed to match what you wanted to achieve.
Firstly, I am pleased to know, from your post, that you have moved forward in your preparation and presentation of material for sale and also made your first sale.
Yes, my problem with my father sounds similar to what you are experiencing with your Mum. Mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, though that is not always how it occurs. We simply need to deal with what is in front of us, at any given time. I can very much identify with your feelings with regard to your family of origin {with regard to parents}, in particular, your Mum. I was 48 when I made the decision not to go back, so only a little younger than you are now. For me, it was not a choice, but a necessity. Those feelings that you describe of feeling diminished, belittled and somehow feeling as though I were being chastised by my father – in other words – in your words, feeling as though s/he:
(when s/he) “treats me like the way s/he does, I tend to fall back to (feeling like) a child. I don't know why.”
and the decision that I made when I said, as you have done, at around the same age,
“I am not doing this anymore. S/he can't hurt me anymore. S/he will not.”
While I am restating the assertions that you and I have both made, at roughly the same age, I will still encourage the peacefulness and absolute least level of disruption to any and all other people. In my case, my decision was to ensure that I was no longer the cause of disruption to other people, particularly those of my family, that appeared to be evident from my continued presence.
I will offer a caveat or rider to my comments, that, if your decision causes you concern personally, please seek professional assistance.
You may say
“Am I jumping out of the frying pan into the fire”
to which I would reply that
“I certainly think not”.
I am just suggesting the erection of a safety net in case you have any adverse reaction. I can tell you that this decision isn't a simple decision, though it may seem so at first.
At the same time there may, and I believe will also be significant benefits. The sense of personal responsibility and integrity. The possible reduction in distractions that may previously have been associated with the existence of depression. A profound feeling of “grown up-ness”, of adulthood. The awareness that you have the right to make decisions for yourself and your immediate family. With that right comes responsibility for the decisions that you make. With freedom comes responsibility. Seek assistance when you think that it may be helpful, rather than when you desperately need that assistance because issues have reached crisis level. Learn about and be aware of your own limitations. Though they are no different from those of anyone else - but you need to know what they are. Grow your relationship with your partner. Learn to rely on each other.
I am pleased that you appear to have made the decision to concentrate on your own family. They are the ones who will benefit most from a settled you. Your description of the family is lovely, and you have the opportunity to encourage them and appreciate their achievements. You are also the person to whom they will turn when the usual issues arise. A reason to keep yourself strong and to look after yourself.
With My Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
