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Something’s not right

Former-Member
Not applicable

Making lockdown HARDER than it needs to be.

This is like THREE threads in one, I'm so sorry.

 

...

 

I was pretty upset yesterday.

 

The government announced that we have to wear masks outdoors, regardless of whether we're near anyone. We're also not allowed beyond five kilometres of home. This is kind of uncharted territory for NSW.

 

It's frustrating that it applies to eight local government areas. You kind of feel singled out. 

 

I have come to realise, though, that it's not the lockdown that's causing me stress. There are clear guidelines as to what you are and aren't allowed to do. I'm kind of OK wearing a mask, since you're technically not supposed to be outside at all.

 

It's not the lockdown... it's all the [...] that comes along with it. It's the fear. It's the panic. It's the VERY [...] comments. 

 

When you look up the numbers on the NSW Health Twitter page like a responsible citizen should, you see the comments underneath, claiming that the lockdown's not strong enough, or "blasting" the Premier. 

 

Someone suggested that they should close supermarkets. Or maybe have them open "for bread, milk and cheese only." This person was a law graduate.

 

So, hereby, I make a pledge to switch off the news as much as possible. NSW Health is the primary source, so I'll just go there to check the numbers, and check for any changes to the restrictions. I don't need any other voices.

 

I ended up testing negative to COVID-19.

 

I kind of freaked out. Because my result was a bit late, I thought that means I tested positive.

 

I imagined the embarrassment and the panic. If I test positive, everyone I know would have to isolate for fourteen days. Including my family, my crush, and the girl I still care way too much about...

 

I don't wear a mask at work, either, because I got a medical exemption for Anxiety. So if I test positive, all eyes are going to be on me when I come back. I stand out. I don't know whether I would be able to handle that emotionally.

 

Honestly, though, that's [...]. If I test positive, there's a process for that. I will go through the process. If anyone gives me a hard time, they are going beyond their rights. Testing positive is hard enough, I shouldn't have to worry about being judged for it... and more to the point, I shouldn't judge myself for it.

 

Realising your rights and defending your safety is a form of self-care, in my opinion.

 

Last night, I was asked to help out in my old section at work. A while ago, I asked to be moved, because as you might remember, I could hear my ex's voice, and it was driving me NUTS. 

 

As soon as I walked in there, my legs tried to drive me back. I felt like I was on the edge of a panic attack.

 

After about an hour, I walked out, called my supervisor, and said I couldn't do it. I said "it's an Anxiety thing", and she let me go. 

 

It's upsetting that my ex has THAT much of an effect on me, but I just had to get out of there.

 

Her son is about to turn two. We work together the day after, so I applied to take that night off. That's the day that someone I loved had a baby with someone else. My world came crashing down when I found out she was pregnant. There's no WAY I'm working.

 

Part of me really considered going anyway, and just "dealing with it", and I probably COULD have, but it's not safe.

 

I just hope taking care of myself shows some actual rewards soon. It's no use taking care of yourself when you're the only one you've got. 

 

I love Anklebiters by Paramore, but it's just really depressing.

 

I hope you guys consider switching off, and standing up for your safety when you can. Be proud of that. 

 

Thanks, guys.

1 REPLY 1

Re: Making lockdown HARDER than it needs to be.

Sounds like you're doing a good job of being kinder to yourself in tough circumstances. 🙂
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