I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I know you are busy @Jynx 

Its been told to me today that I need to step away from the forums. 

The last email led me to believe that I’m not supposed to have you for support. 

So I guess this is it.

Thanks for everything. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 was just about to message you lol 

There's no obligation for you to step away hun, that is a suggestion and nothing more. We want you to have the best possible chance to progress in your recovery, and if the forums have become more of a stressor than a source of support, then yeah might be a good opportunity to take a break. But it is a suggestion, nothing more, I promise. 

[Captain24]

It’s really come across as that I’m not wanted and not good enough @Jynx 

I don’t want to step away but it feels like more than a suggestion. 

I’ll battle on my own and no one needs to worry about me. 

[AuntGlow]

Good afternoon @Captain24,

I am back after a couple days off, so just catching up and responding to your message from Thursday afternoon. 🥰

I can see exhaustion and overwhelm are coming up for you in a big way... and you're working so hard right now in general, so that makes sense to me. Have you been doing anything soothing or regulating for yourself?

Your menu for the week sounds SO yum. What will you cook up tonight? 😋

Yes, you're doing so well putting yourself out there and trying new things. Over time this will expand your capacity and window of tolerance in such a way that you will look back and be like, "Oh that old thing? That's easy now." 😎

Also, I know that things are feeling quite vulnerable for you at the moment, and I understand you are really needing support but also feeling like you're not wanted. Remember that we're more than happy to support you where we can @Captain24.

What do you think your psychologist would say about some of the things you're thinking and feeling today? 💛

[Captain24]

Its ok @AuntGlow 

I don’t actually know what she would say. I can’t think at the moment. 

I'll just face it all on my own. 

Thanks for everything 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 honestly, truly, it is your choice to interpret this series of events in that way. I have tried to tell you a thousand times that it is not the case. You have a place here. Take it, or don't. You are wanted here. Believe it, or don't. You are your own worst enemy in this. Deny it, or don't - and maybe then you can try to accept that things aren't always black and white. 

It really pains me that you are not reading my words. It seems to me like you are simply cherry-picking out anything that confirms your own suspicions to you - that you're a bad person, that you're not wanted here, that you're a burden. No matter how many times I tell you that you belong here and that this space exists for you, you seem to find a way to feel rejected by the message. 

So you can listen to that voice in your head saying that you are a failure and that you're not wanted. Or, you can actually listen to us when we tell you that we only want what is best for you, and we only want to support you in your recovery journey. 

You are the master of your own fate. I hope you choose to break the patterns that shackle you, but if it feels safer to 'confirm' that we are out to get you like everyone else, then do that I guess. But I am done trying to convince you. You either believe me, because you respect me, or you are going to choose to listen to your inner critic and conclude that we all want you gone (which is preposterous, as I have said many times). 

I do NOT want to give up on you. But if you won't believe in yourself, then I can't help you. 

~

I know receiving tough love can be a lot hun. Please don't hesitate to connect in with some support if you need to - 

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000 

[Captain24]

That was tough @Jynx sorry I pushed you to that point. 

Im broken to the core. 

Im sitting here sobbing. 

[Captain24]

Ps. I do respect you @Jynx 

[Captain24]

I’m not tagging you as I’m not sure you want to hear from me. 

I’ve been dwelling on what you have said. 

I hear you. 

It hurts a lot and I’m actually totally not ok right now. 

It needed to be said. I understand that. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 just wanna reassure you that you have not hurt my feelings. This was simply expressing a boundary, in the hopes of prompting reflection, which it sounds like maybe it has. And a gentle reminder that we often express boundaries to try to keep people in our lives. But I digress. 

Again, you don't need to do anything, or make any decisions about staying or going right now. The decision does lie with you, and you alone. And whatever you decide, we will support you in that however we can.