I can’t cope

[tyme]

At this stage, I only have 1 sticky note.

Actually, you made a good point. When I'm away at camp, I'll take those days off because I can't be working! I need to check the dates.

I just need to make sure I have enough leave for the end of year when I go overseas for 6 wks or so.

@Captain24 

I feel pretty good tonight. I feel on top of things and ready to face the week. 

I just checked my course! I've only got 6 assignments to do! That's so cool! I thought I had more!

[Captain24]

One at my note sounds good. @tyme. Are they easier ones or are they hard? 

Your welcome!! 😜 I hope it’s not too long.. you worked last time didn’t you? I remember the ‘who’s doin’ wee’s’ comment!! I don’t think I’ll ever forget that! 

Im glad that you are feeling good and ready to face the oncoming week. I’m a little less worried about you now. 

To me 6 assignments would be so overwhelming. It makes me feel anxious thinking about it. That course I started did some damage. 

[tyme]

Yes, I think I worked last time, but only a bit @Captain24 . So I worked when the kids were asleep. But now that the kids are older, they stay up longer, so it sounds like a good idea to take some time off @Captain24 

And yes! You are right! What a great memory! I'd forgotten where the little one said that. 

Speaking of her, today, she went to church with these pigtails with pink ribbons in each. She looked super cute but I told me sis that it doesn't match her personaliaty because she bites!

[Captain24]

Yeah that makes sense. They are older now @tyme. It’ll help with your leave too and the 6 weeks away will also help. You’ll be down to a limited amount then. 

It still makes me laughs I think of it all the time. 

That’s so funny. Oh.. she bites? That’s not real good. I remember I had a cousin that use to bite and my uncle bit him back and left some serious marks. Wouldn’t be able to do that now. The things that use to be acceptable. No wonder they got away with a lot of things

[AuntGlow]

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@Captain24 wrote:

I don’t know @AuntGlow. Your maybe they just don’t care, I don’t blame them though I’m not worth much

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I wonder if we can gently challenge this thought a little bit? Can we revisit this thought tomorrow and see if it feels any different? 💛

[Captain24]

Yeah we can revisit it if you remember @AuntGlow 

[Captain24]

I’ve woken up feeling really unworthy in the world. I feel like I don’t belong and don’t matter. I am nothing. I’m having a really hard time. I really hate myself. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24, I'm sorry to hear that you've woken up with these negative thoughts about yourself swirling in your head. That's a rough start to the day! 

Do you think there's any way we can turn the day around a little bit?  Maybe we could try doing something that generally makes you feel good about yourself, or even just more neutral?

[Captain24]

Ive been up for a couple of hours and all ive done is sit on the lounge and doom scrolled. Im really not coping today. I don’t want to do today. I really hate myself right now. I feel like there is nothing good about me. I’m a useless waste of space. I’m not worthy of living.

I would make a psych appointment for tomorrow but I’m going away for the day with mum so I can’t. I do have a Pdoc appointment on Friday though. Hopefully she will finish my assessment and we can move onto different medications. 

[Captain24]

I just posted above @Ru-bee 

I don’t know what to do. I need to have a shower and wash my hair but even that feels too hard. I have to go and buy Jett some food as he runs out today so I will push myself to get out of the house. 

I did buy tickets for tomorrow though and we are leaving early. 

Im really in the wrong frame of mind today. My self talk isn’t working. I’ve been trying so hard lately and doing ok with it.