I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Thanks @Jynx. Thank you for understanding. I do appreciate it. We do seem to understand a little about each other and ‘get’ each other. 

I did see this on Facebook and the first one resonated a lot! 

 

I get the rules and stuff. I don’t deliberately break them. But when I do the first thought that comes to mind is being a failure. That I always get everything wrong. I’m never good enough. 

It felt good. Plus just being in the awesome weather was great too. I have also cleaned the pantry, cleaned out the fridge and cleaned the shelves and then I have whipper snippered the front and backyards. So more sun and this time it was 38 so it was even better! I’ve just had a shower and I’m clean and smell much better. Now to clean all the windows! Then I think I’ll stop. Shouldn’t take too long. 

Did you have a good day? What are you doing for Christmas? Going somewhere or just chilling? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 of course hun, I don't know any other way to be except compassionate 😋 

Yeah that burdensome narrative is so hard. I could rant for ages about how it stems from the modern idea that we are somehow supposed to all be perfectly fine and able to cope with life alone. We are meant to help each other!! Needing help isn't a burden, it's through helping each other that we even got to this point. 

Anyway... before I get lost in my rage against the injustices of modern life, yeah my day has been good! I'm listening to an old Miike Snow album that I used to listen to heaps in my early 20's, so got some nice nostalgia and a little boogie in my step, hehehe. You sure have been busy!! When you finish your windows, any plans? 

I'm spending it w my partner, first time haha so a teeeensy bit nervous, but mostly excited! 

[Captain24]

Just so you know I do love your rants and rambles! @Jynx. Gives me so much to think about. I’m missing them

I actually gave up on the windows. I just don’t have it in me. I literally can’t push my body any further. It’s not like me to give in but tonight I just have to. This will be a surprise, I’m not even beating myself up about it. I’ve done a lot of physical work today and really just need to stop. I’m just watching the last episode of neighbours and then I don’t actually know. I don’t usually stop until I go to bed. 

Oohhh… meeting the fam!! I’m sure they will love you, how could they not! I get being nervous, I actually haven’t been in a relationship long enough to meet the fam so I really can only imagine the nerves. You got this though. 

[Captain24]

 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 haha I know, but they take ages to write and I sometimes end up getting super emotional about it all - which doesn't always lend itself to being supportive to my forums fam 😅

I'm glad to hear you're not being hard on yourself about it! Your body is giving you signals and you're listening! Hope there's some good tv for you to get lost in hehe

Aww thanks hun, your words mean so much!! Hehe maybe I will pull out some of my best puns and dad jokes (my partner hates them, but honestly watching the eyes roll just adds fuel to my fire!)

[Captain24]

I know it takes a while and you are always so busy now. @Jynx. I use to get a lot of insight from them. They were really helpful. Now you barely have time to chat and I get that. Just miss it. 

Nothing on tv. Just sitting here scrolling and I hate it but I don’t have the energy to do anything else. I am totally worn out. I’m exhausted and I’m tired. My body hurts. It hurts to walk, it hurts to bend, it just hurts all over. I have a couple of big days ahead too. Getting everything perfect for Christmas. I just need to try and remind myself that some things don’t actually matter. Let’s see if I can do that. 

I can imagine you keeping going just because it’s annoying them! You would be pretty awesome. 

I hope you have a fantastic time with their fam for Christmas. I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes. I hope you have some pretty cool plans for new years too. 

When will you be back? 

I have to go now. I’m really sorry that I can’t hang around but my body and mind have just had enough of today and I really need to go to bed and sleep. I’ll regret it because it means I’ll wake up earlier in the morning but right now I just can’t. 

Thanks for a great year and supporting me through my downs but my ups as well, they usually don’t get supported much, it’s more the downs that get supported. At least I have had a few ups recently (until the surgery!) You keep being your awesome self. 

See you in the new year. 

[Jynx]

I definitely feel like I've been busier than ever over like the last 8-12 months hey @Captain24 - dunno if the forums are busier, if it's cos I've built more relationships with more people, hmm maybe a bit of both? Like I wish I could dedicate way more time to everyone individually but alas... 

I think you and I are similar on the whole 'some things don't matter' thing. It's why cleaning can be a struggle for me because I often get lost in the minutiae. Like when prepping for my inspection, at one point I found myself trying to scrape grime out of the tiny grooves in my light switches, only to sorta go 'oh wait, this is barely visible to the naked eye, and I still have to vacuum...' 😅

You can do it! Some things don't matter, and some things that do matter to us, are completely invisible to others. You got this! 

Aww thanks hun - maybe my NYE plans will come find me!! Aww this makes me all warm n fuzzy to read!! Hehe I hope you have a nice slumber, a lovely xmas and NYE, and I will see you in the new year for sure 😋💜

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

[Captain24]

 

[Captain24]

I have so much to do today. Dusting, cleaning windows, mowing the lawns. Lots of washing. It all has to be done. I have people coming for Christmas. 

My body is so sore. I can barely move. I can’t bend over to pick things up off the floor, I can’t bend barely walk. I am so tired. The exhaustion is something like I haven’t felt in a really long time. 

I think I have broken myself. I think I have found my limit. I think the perfection has gotten to me. I am a mess physically and mentally. 

I just want to go to bed and forget about the world. I have failed. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Captain24 

Just catching up on everything - luckily I wasn't too sore yesterday after going for a run on Saturday and I'm feel extra glad that I went because I don't know when I'll find any other time to exercise this week! Except for walking the dog that is, I'm glad to have that as a reason to get moving otherwise it's too easy to neglect exercise when things get busy!

I really need to start cleaning and doing more of a plan for Christmas. Luckily it's boxing day dinner I'm hosting so I've got until the end of the week but still, I'm starting to think of all the little tasks that need to get done and all of the things that need to be cleaned. There'll be 11 of us, but that's 8 adults and 3 of my nieces, one of which is just a bub so I don't have to worry about feeding her at least! Honestly, I don't think it will turn out perfect like I'm picturing it and I think I just need to make peace with that and do what I can... I might try to make a list of the big things that NEED to get done, like the cooking and the more important cleaning tasks, and then maybe I'll make a second list of tasks I'll get to if I have the time, like dusting and weeding and cleaning the windows.

I wonder if this approach might be helpful for you too? Maybe it's something we could try together since I know sometimes having a buddy helps

If you are exhausted can you give yourself permission to rest? Even just a short rest is better than pushing through to burn out. You deserve rest, and you need rest, we all do 💜