I can’t cope

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

As I read your posts, I think it's important to remember that your psych is a guide. She is a tool or a strategy, rather than a lifeline - even if it feels like it sometimes. 

Remember have I'd shared that a kid once said to me, expect to be disappointed and you'll never be disappointed? 

In a way, I have that with therapists. I remember that I will be disappointed at some point (they are late, they don't return a call, they go away), and therefore, when it happens, it has less impact on me. Eventually, I accept that it's part of life.

As for feeling less alone, it don't believe it's about who you have around you. From my experience, the feeling of loneliness comes from within. It's a frame of mind rather than a situation. Why I say this is because you have live in a house of people and still feel lonely. Or you can be on an island in exile and feel totally connected.

I've been in that stage of loneliess, and now it's gone the other way where I don't feel lonely at all. 

What was the change? I believe it was an internal change. I change in how I percieved things. A change in how I processed things.

Sorry, not sure if this helps.

So jsut to get it right, you are on leave, then after 2 more appointments, your psych will be gone for 8, but will hopefully connect you with another. Then you will be back at work after 2 weeks?

[Captain24]

Yeah I get that @tyme. I’m not sure I want to use a filler. It’ll be hard but I’ll be off these meds and won’t be going through withdrawal. I’ll have my dietitian and I’m sure my assessment with my Pdoc will need another appointment as well. 

Her thesis is due in three weeks and she has been working hard on it so she needs a holiday. A break. She deserves it. 

That’s true. It feels like no hope though. 

Oh the late thing. She is always late! She is hopeless but she embraces it! 😂 

I’m ok with being on my own. I don’t want anyone around. I just feel really alone right now though. I feel like I shouldn’t be alone. 

Im on holidays until September and go back the week before she leaves. I will see her in two weeks and then probably again before she is on leave. I want to see her after my Pdoc appointment before she goes. I’ll be working most of the time she is away and I’ll be away for a week during it so I think I’d be ok. I’ll just miss having someone to bounce off. 

[AuntGlow]

Yes, I did read that part and I am wondering if that's why things are feeling more heightened for you tonight? It can be so hard to hear that our support system is shifting or changing in any way, even if it is only temporary. @Captain24 💛

[tyme]

Fair enough @Captain24 . Makes sense. 

I'm sensing that the news of it all has felt harder than the actual fact that she will be away (because you'll be mostly working)? I'm thinking that you'll blink and not even realise!

Do you really want to start with someone new for a few weeks? Totally up to you - just a thought.

Sounds like we all have things we're good at and not good at... lately, I've been really struggling with being on tim and remembering things. I had a meeting today so just to prevent myself being late, I sat in the meeting room 35 minutes early... then someone else came and I chatted to them... then after, no one else turned up... we were both in the wrong place! So yeah, I was late.

Argh Cap... you're such a champ. Don't over think it hun. Sing Frozen's song, "Let it go.. Let it gooo!"

Hugs, sitting with you - yes, I have a smile becuase I'm hopeful 🙂

[Captain24]

I was just sick. I bought up everything I’ve eaten and probably my meds @tyme. I don’t feel very well. 

I really don’t want someone I don’t know. When she said names I’m thinking they may be from the hospital so I may already know them. But to have to start again with someone for just a couple of appointments feels like too much but then it’s some support so I guess it’s something that we need to work out together. 

I’ve been forgetting so much lately. I’m worried that I’m getting dementia. I really struggle. 

Oh.. bugger. You tried so hard and it still didn’t work. At least you weren’t the only one though!

Im glad someone has hope.

I do feel a little better after chatting. It still hurts a lot though. 

What’s on your list for tomorrow? 

[tyme]

Thanks for opening up and chatting about it @Captain24 

Tomorrow, I have 4 hours of meetings... erghh. (I need to stay concentrating!)

I hope to tick a few more things off those sticky notes, but it'll be a bit of a stretch. 

I'll be on here tomorrow late evening again - i think... I'll msg when I'm on.

For the time you have off work, we may need a bot of a plan of attack so you have something on each day.

Maybe this is something you can think about and we can talk through it tomorrow? @Captain24 

Too many brain farts on my side here.

Oh, you know what my nephew says? "Oh, wait wait wait... I need to google my brain. Wait. It's just downloading..." (my nephew is a bit slow at expressive language lol)

Anyway, I'd better start my wrap up and I'll see you tomorroz

[Captain24]

Thanks for listening. @tyme 

Wow… that’s a lot!! Good luck!

After those meetings then that’s ok. Maybe aim for just one thing. 

I think I have a plan but help would be good. Just someone to bounce off. 

I love it!! Maybe he belongs in dial up era.. 😂 

Thanks for tonight and I’ll see you tomorrow 

[AuntGlow]

Goodnight @Captain24🌛✨

Hoping you feel a little lighter tomorrow. ☺️

[Captain24]

I don’t know if it’s my psych being away or the withdrawals @AuntGlow 

Have a good night

[Captain24]

I have to go around to my nans husbands house and sort out medical papers for him. How am I suppose to know what I’m reading? How am I suppose to sort it out? It’s messing with my routine and lately I don’t cope with a change in routine. I’m trying to breathe my way through it. My anxiety is sky high as I’m scared that I can’t sort it for him. He is 94 (I think) and doesn’t understand and doesn’t listen. He will only listen to mum but she is away.