So sorry to hear you are also suffering badly from trauma. i have as well, though after 50 years i finally found good support, and have since been unloading the bad life, even when triggered, rather than increasing them time and again.
Good counseling is at the heart of this. Knowledge of what goes on inside of you and learning new skills dealing with them successfully.
i met a man call Roland Bal. A P.T.S.D survivor himself, who is also a counselor, and has written extensive materials on the subject of P.T.S.D as well as C.P.T.S.D. It was Roland who taught me the skills to take on my bad life, little bit, by little bit. Or as Roland would say, only small bites, and make sure to embalm all of it with love. In a nutshell Roland taught me to love my bad life to death and find myself back underneath the trauma a better person, instead of a wreck.
The good news is there is help out there. You can overcome the bad life you suffered, even if it does not look like that today.
