Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Healandlove]

Thank you for the tag @Shaz51 .

@Tootsy @tyme @zipper @Jynx @PizzaMondo @PinkFlamingo 

I read from the beginning of this post.

One thing I can say is that I have never called myself my husband's carer. I refer to myself as a support person for him. For me that helps separate that I can still support him while stepping away empathetically when it becomes too much. My husband suffers from depression and complex ptsd.  He is going to the psychologist once a month and we also attend a couple psychologist once every 8 weeks. I will start continue with own psychologist support starting June. 

I too wonder why me at times and how much easier and enjoyable life would be if I had a husband that didn't have these challenges. I mourn the loss of whoever he used to be before he had his mental breakdown in early 2022. But I remind myself that all of these problems were always there and he was just good at hiding them. Until he couldn't anymore. I also do feel sometimes how long I can continue to be with him. Our children are young and needs us both. I take it one day at a time and think about the progress he has made. As long as he makes progress then I feel there's is still hope for us to come out stronger on the other side. However it is exhausting and heartbreaking and I don't think I would be around if it weren't for the kids. I tell myself time will tell  if we can survive this.

We also just got a puppy and I feel just patting him gives me a sense of peace. I hope my husband can benefit from this in time. He did say yesterday that it was weird but that he felt happy for the first time in a long time. I hope he bonds with puppy and really continues to heal.

Thinking of you all and imagining all of us having a cup of tea together. 🥰

[PizzaMondo]

Goodmorning @Healandlove 🙂

I like that you have chosen language that fits you best, it sounds like to me with that differentiation you are able to set better boundaries - e.g. stepping away empathetically when needed. I feel this is so important for us in order to continue supporting others - we must support and listen to our needs first. Amazing to hear that you will be starting with your personal journey with a psychologist and that your husband is onboard for couples therapy too. There is a long road ahead, but to be on that journey together shows a lot of strength in itself.

I hear you on how times can get tough and that your children are a priority - I feel this would be a great topic to take to therapy in June to pick apart and see what's under the surface for you - what's important, what do you need, what brings you joy, and assessing the world around you.

Welcome home to puppy! Connecting with animals is so wonderful, and I know many people who receive a sense of peace and belonging from patting, holding and playing with their pets. I hope in due time that your husband can also benefit similarly, him expressing his happiness after ages is a positive sign.

Sipping my tea over here in the meantime with you in spirit - hope you are too! You got this @Healandlove ~

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Healandlove 🤗

Id like to gently second all of @PizzaMondo 's comments 🙂

And, I would love to sit and have a cuppa with you, and tell some silly jokes, while listening to a campfire crackle 🙂 xx

[Shaz51]

Hello @PinkFlamingo , @PizzaMondo , @Healandlove , @tyme 

Sitting with you all having a cuppa coffee ☕️ 

[Healandlove]

Oh I wish we could have emojis to react as well as support! Sending you a ☕️🍰...and enjoying a cup of hot chocolate myself 🤗🤗🤗 @Shaz51 

[Healandlove]

Thank you @PizzaMondo and @PinkFlamingo . I am not always this strong or clear minded...there are great days...I wish there were more. Hopefully with time things improve more and more

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @Healandlove  🌺💜🙂

I hope this week has been a bit easier and you have had the resilience there in the tank to help get you through and there’s been good days 🫂💜

I hope your weekend goes well dearest 🙂💜🌺

take good care of you too 😊🤗🦩

[Tootsy]

@Healandlove @Shaz51  Thank you, sorry I haven’t responded as I need to able to have “me” time to sit and think about my reply and that doesn’t happen to often unfortunately. To give you some idea, there are no children between us as we married at 50 (6 years ago now) and I do feel it’s on a downward spiral in the last few years. I have to work full time now and I guess sometimes I do feel resentful for that, as well as working through my breast cancer treatment, but I managed, but he doesn’t cope well with my new hours.  There is no help or support and he refuses to seek it now as we both went to the same therapist and he blames me for venting too much and now she has gone missing in action. He says there is 2sides to a story which is true so I often think I’m the one doing wrong. I just don’t know anymore, no day is a good day lately 

[tyme]

Thinking of you @Tootsy . Thanks for sharing.

Hope things improve and hope to hear from you again shortly!

[Tootsy]

@tyme @Thank you I’m feeling so lost. There are glimpses of the man I married, and I know it’s out of his control, but seriously I don’t get that he chooses to treat me the way he does and I don’t know if he even realises it to tell you the truth…or I’m too sensitive? Should I just harden up and ignore all is sniggering remarks..or am I taking it the wrong way?  PTSD, ADHD, Anxiety, depression..not his fault and I tell myself that everyday to keep me going. I love this man, I know he has a beautiful heart and soul, just need to get him out of this deep hole.